And all the men in the world must be super depressed. And to all those bullshitters who talk about pregnancy being the greatest experience, blah blah blah, just see above picture for proof that pregnancy is about as much fun as ripping off toe nails very slowly. All it did to Alba was make her soft looking and food crazed, as she blogged about being a hungry baby bus on her myspace:

“Every day I have eaten ham and cheese sandwiches, I can’t get enough of them. Wish they had these back in the states, the bread is amazing. My tummy is getting bigger by the second and the little one must like the food too because it is moving and kicking like crazy. ITS THE BEST.”

Ham sangwiches make me barf. And have you ever noticed how much more fun of a word sandwich becomes when you replace the d with a g??? Try it, its much better than actually eating a ham sangwich!!!

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According to Page Six, the rumors were flying at the Grammy parties, with Fergie, supposedly being knocked up by b/f Josh Duhamel, they report:

 

Fergie and her fiancé, Josh Duhamel, are moving up their wedding date because the “Glamorous” songbird is pregnant, according to gossips at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammys bash at the Beverly Hilton. “She picked up a wedding dress while she was in New York for Fashion Week and wants to move the wedding up so she is married before the bump becomes too obvious,” one insider said. “At Clive’s, she just drank water.”

Sooo yeah, once again, another celeb is preggo,  I am just shocked Fergie’s meth and age abused womb can still be host to a child.  And I can only pray to God that this does not spark a “My Humps” remix.

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Clues: One is a used and abused playmate, the other has three nipples, one had an abortion, one had a miscarriage.

Answers after the jump!

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Dear Jessica Alba’s unborn fetus,

If you wouldn’t mind, could you just please go away?  I mean, your mom is hot.  Like smoking hot, and you are trying to ruin everything by stretching it all out and making things saggy.  She hasn’t even done a full nude yet, or playboy!  So if you could just pack your shit up and move to a more spacious home (Britney Spears’ womb is available!) everyone would greatly appreciate it.
mmmmkay…..

XOXOX

THB

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A baby living in Jessica Alba’s tummy!!!  Which is awesome, because soon she will be all fat and pregnanty like.

But right now, the pregnancy bump is still cute, and so is she.  However, give it a few more months and its going to look like a scene from Alien when the creature is about to burst out.

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Seriously, WTF is in the water that the celebs are drinking??? They are getting pregnant left and right, like it ain’t no thang.

The latest celeb to join the crew of pregnant stars is Pamela Anderson, who is currently going forward with a divorce to hubby Rick Salomon after just a few months of marriage. Rick Salomon, aka the guy that is crushing Paris Hilton’s vag in her sex tape, is still hoping things will work out with the divorce/pregnancy:

Salomon has told friends he believes she is “acting crazy” because of the pregnancy and hopes she will settle back into the marriage. Interestingly, in her divorce petition, Anderson asked for spousal support but not child support.

No offense to both parties involved, but this is going to be one hella skanky baby. And you like what I did there, didn’t you? I said no offense, so I can say whatever I want to about this future whorish child. Like, being birthed through Pam Anderson’s vagina is more hazardous than eating a turkey stuffed with pinless grenades and cyanide.

p.s. I know this picture has nothing to do with her being pregnant, but how funny is it that it looks like she about to give Rick dome on a porch while a dog goes poo in the foreground????

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Jamie Lynn Spears was seen leaving an education center, and apparently she is going to be getting her GED, which sucks because now we won’t be seeing any pregnant prom pictures, which would be instant classics. And perhaps out of irony, or just plain meanness Us magazine asked the star little idiot what she would be studying, and lets just say her hopes are astoundingly high:

“I haven’t thought anything about what I might study,” she has said. “I’ll have to look more into that. But if I went anywhere, I think it would be fun to go to LSU.”

Bitch please! The only thing you are going to be studying is how to smell out a stinky diaper and wipe spit up off your sweaters at the same time.

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Nicole Kidman confirmed rumors that she is pregnant, which makes her like the bajillionth celeb to get knocked up recently. Sadly, there is no scandal involved in this one, and her baby daddy is husband Keith Urban.

So all this really means is that we FINALLY get to see Nicole Kidman fat, and then she will be dragging a little aussie-country twerp around for the next decade or so.

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Pretty much everyone in the world can agree that pregnancy is the most disgusting thing ever. And amazingly, Christina Aguilera is making it look even worse by wearing ghoulish, caked on make up and a dress that is too short, too see through and much, much too tight.

That inside out bellybutton thing she has put on display by wrapping it in spandex is honestly the most disturbing thing I have seen. The bitch just needs to stay home, wear a muu muu and not emerge until that baby human is out of her body.

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I had hopes for this Spearling, who is only 16, even though my hopes consisted of her not getting knocked up and going insane like her sister, but those all got flushed down the drain with the OK! magazine exclusive cover, featuring a puppy eyed picture of Jamie Lynn with the title “I’m Pregnant!”. And her winner boyfriend has already found the time to update his myspace profile with the headline “Me and Jamie are over….. :(”, which pretty much completely contradicts all the rumors that the Spears have been spreading that they have been together for a while and that they were thinking of getting married. But since myspace is not the end all for legit breaking news stories, maybe they are still together and can have a wedding with Jamie Lynn aka Layme Lynn can have a honky tonk teenage wedding!

And whats even funnier, is that not too long ago she sued the National Enquirer for reporting that she was pregnant, and now National Enquirer is mass mailing the nasty email sent to them from the Spears camp talking about how morally upright she is, and its really perhaps one of the funniest mass emailing I have seen in awhile:

“Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith.
There is no “rumor concerning Ms. Spears’ (non-existent) pregnancy, except perhaps for the baseless rumor just now being created by the National Enquirer.
Ms. Spears is not pregnant. It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to attempt to create a wholly baseless rumor that Ms. Spears is pregnant, so it can run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl.”

And now time to laugh:

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA…..breath…..AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAat this dumb bitch getting knocked up just like her sister!!!!

p.s. how many of you think she is doing this for attention???  She wants to be in the tabloids just like her Superstah Sistah!

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First off, sorry for no posts yesterday, but I was completely swamped with final exams at school.

Jessica Alba’s rep confirmed to People magazine that she was indeed pregnant with on again off again boyfriend Cash Warren. Which is great and exciting, but the bitch didn’t even let us have any fun with speculation and pregnancy rumors! And I really don’t know why she would want to go have a kid in the first place, she had a lot going for her, like her body, and her mega bitch attitude. But on the upside, I bet her boobs

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I am so sick of seeing and hearing about pregnant celebs and people wanting to have babies, I can’t take it any-freaking-more. Especially when its Helena Bonham Carter looking like Edward Scissorhands just styled her hair. I mean, that hair is truly bad, impressively so I might add. And then that makes me wonder, what the hell is this baby gonna look like? I don’t have too high of expectations….and do you think she will brush its hair ever? Or will it just have crazy rat nest baby hair?

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Ohh lord, just a day after finding out about her kinky sex dungeon, rumors are surfacing that she is pregnant with child number 3, and that the baby daddy is none other than tool bag producer J.R Rotem. In Touch supposedly reached J.R. by text and photographed the conversation:

The thing is, how is this hardly proof? Because some anonymous source said this, and I am sorry, you can store any number with any name, so it just saying “Jr Rotem” really doesn’t mean a whole lot. Don’t get me wrong though, Bitchney is a crazy sex addicted ho bag, so I wouldn’t be shocked at all to find out she knocked up. This just isn’t conclusive proof for me.

And is it wrong to kind of hope this is true? I know it would be DISASTROUS, but how hilarious and amazingly awesome would it be to see her waddling around pregnant with two kids she has lost custody of already with a crappy weave in? I don’t even know if I am prepared to handle that.

(and if you are wondering why he has a tractor dick, just click here)

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Hells to the nah on this one people, I am all for cute Mommy and Baby pictures or whatever, but I don’t wanna see your pregnant self all airbrushed and naked on the cover of a magazine. All it makes me think about is a baby is about to swim out of her vag, which is pretty freaking gross.

UPDATE: In case you didn’t throw up already, here is a pic I forgot to upload!

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Literally days after I had a conversation about how she has definitely been outclassing BITCHney, this bitch goes and flashes her crotch while she is getting out of the car. And if a time ever called for wearing panties, its when you are preggo and wearing a short dress.

Note to pregnant bitches everywhere: Pantyhose do not replace panties!!!

Click the picture above to see the kinda NSFW pic of Christina’s vagina looking like its being strangled by tights.

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Rumors are flying all around Pamela Anderson this week, first there was her application for a wedding license with none other than Paris Hilton’s ex sex tape costar, Rick Solomon. And now people are reporting that they are getting married because Pam is a preggo!!! And at this point I should make it very clear, I DO NOT LIKEY! Why would she get with herpe Hilton’s ex? And if this BITCH is knocked up several things could go wrong, especially because of her age, and she might not be able to get the preggo weight off this time!!!!! Just say NO to babies people!

And yes, that little tiny bulge by her waist is suppose to be a baby bump, but I think the BITCH mighta just ate lunch or something.

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Just maybe.

But really, these pics are kinda cute, in the another-human-life-form-is-living-in-your-stomach-and-stealing-your-food-and-pooing way.

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Christina Aguilera and hubby Jordan Bratman were out and about showing off her baby bump and giant gazangas! And I don’t know about you but I really can’t freaking wait to see what this baby is going to look like, because there is a 50/50 chance that it could look like its hobbit-warlock dad, which in baby form would be terrifying!!! And I know you are not suppose to make fun of children, but if it looks even remotely like Bratman it’s game time BITCHES, because, well, I hate babies.

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1. Did a zombie apply your makeup?
2. I thought you can’t be dying your hair when you are a preggo????

WTF is up BITCH? Besides being knocked up that is.

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3 months PREGGO!!!

So yeah, congratulations BITCH!!!

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