When I woke up smiling this morning, I knew it was going to be a good day, but I didn’t know it was going to be THIS good!

Our favorite party BITCH Lindsay Lohan, who we thought was reforming, got caught up in quite the booze and drug scandal. It all started when her assistant quit during the night and asked her mom to come pick her up. When the defunct assistant’s mom arrived and picked her up, a chase ensued with Lindsay herself tailing their Escalade in a Denali. The mom called 911 and said they were being chased and were on their way to the police station. The police got to them first however, and conducted a field sobriety test, including walking in a line, which she failed. Later, a breath test was given to drunk BITCH Lohan who failed with a miserable .12-.13 blood alcohol level. The icing on the cake was the cocaine they discovered in her pocket when booking the dumb BITCH. She was released on bond this morning, and I am sure she is getting fucked up already!! Speaking of being released on bond, amazing how a white BITCH gets out of jail after chasing people while being drunk and coked up, and in possession of coke, yet Lil Wayne and Ja Rule were both in jail longer than this BITCH. Oh, and the cops had to be called to catch a drunk coke maniac driving down the street after someone, but somehow new york cops can just spot concealed weapons from a mile away, its really amazing! (I wish you could see me rolling my eyes)

But what I want to know why the hell she was fake wearing the alcohol bracelet? I knew that damn thing didn’t have any batteries in it! I am really disappointed, not because she is a drugger, but because she is a big fake BITCH! She has also officially lowered herself to Paris Hilton standards. She needs to really get her shit together, you can tell in her mug shot she is starting to get a coke nose, much more snorting and she will be looking like Michael Jackson. And can someone please tell me why this dumb BITCH thought it was a good idea to just be rolling with coke in her pocket??? Ever hear of a hiding spot? Or ditching it before you get checked in? Or what about having a patsy to take your fall for you? My guess is the BITCH was too coked up and forgot it was there, because otherwise she woulda been snorting it off the hood of her car while she was being handcuffed.

And, yeah, this totally disproves my theory that rehab does a body good from yesterday, because apparently in Hollywood COCAINE does the body good.

p.s. check out this BITCH’s eyes in her mugshot, if her pupils got any more dilated she would be looking like Wilma from The Flintstones!

UPDATE: THE BITCH HAS CHECKED INTO A **NEW** REHAB CENTER!!! and here lawyer issued this statement:

Share This

Unfortunately for us, it appears BITCHney is back into the trend of the see through turtleneck with a cheap bra look, even though she has done it to death. I just hope one day, when I have kids, I will have a photo album filled with pictures as classy as BITCHney’s so they can look back and remember what a GREAT mother I was. I mean, so what if there aren’t pictures of them in it? As long as we got all the ones of me in a sequined bra and no panties, with my shirt on my head, doing body shots off off a stripper I will be doing as well, if not better, than BITCHney!!

Share This

Yay! The world can rejoice once more! Paris Hilton has been freed, and all the worlds problems are solved! Now what are the news stations going to report??? Hopefully some freaking real news! And as much as I wanted her to come out of jail with an even wonkier eye and a mustache, that didn’t happen. We did get to see her with her brown eyes and no make up though, and really, its a look she should consider, it takes at least 10 years off the BITCH! It freaks me out that she has brown eyes, but ALWAYS wears blue contacts, I just want to tell her the days of Hitler are over, and she doesn’t need to dye her hair blonde and wear blue contacts to prove she is an Aryan baby.

Its also being reported that she lost ten pounds while in jail, and upon hearing that news Nicole Richie has asked her judge for a mandatory jail sentence that only lets her leave once she has dropped another 10 herself!

Share This

Considering she has wrecked her car while all hopped up on cocaine and been in rehab twice now, we should all know that the BITCH is out of control. Her former bodyguard adds fuel to the fire though with comments he made to News of the World about her partying habits:

“I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is. She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I’ve met.”

“In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she’d go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around.

His first job was to take her to a party in Beverly Hills. “She’d been snorting all night,” he recalls. “As soon as they walked into the party she was snorting more.”

“She got on the coffee table and danced, flinging her dress above her head, her eyes rolling about all over the place.”

“I told the guy providing the drugs to stop and he just said, ‘No way, Lindsay will go berserk’. Then she started screaming at people and swinging her fists around at anyone near her.

“At the start of the night she seemed such a fun-loving, angelic girl but under the influence of drugs she was psychotic. It was 10.30am the next day by the time I carried her to bed.”

One night Lindsay and Nicole were making trip after trip to the bathroom — she wouldn’t snort in front of me because she knew I’d get mad.

“But the more wasted they got the less she cared. In the end they carried in a mirror from the bedroom, laid it on the coffee table and emptied a mountain of coke onto it. They went at the stuff with straws, hoovering it all up then piling more on.

“I tried to tell Lindsay to stop but she just told me it was cool. After ten hours I’d had enough and threatened to throw the mirror out of the window. I had to carry her out to the car.”

“She used boys for drugs and girls for thrills,” says Lee. “I lost count of the women she took back to her hotel room from clubs.

“I even saw her try to grope Mariah Carey’s bottom and boobs one night as they danced. One time I went to look for her in a club bathroom and found her in the corner French-kissing a girl.”

“One night I looked at her hands and wrists and noticed they had bright red wounds all over them,” says Lee.

“She tried to tell me she had fallen but when I looked her in the eyes and demanded to know the truth she just broke down.

“She told me, ‘I don’t belong on this planet any more’. She said she cut herself because she did not think life was worth living.

Lindsay sure knows how to party: lesbian drug binges, suicide attempts and beating down coke dealers! This BITCH is wild! You almost feel bad for her, until you realize that she is too dumb to hire a driver and make her body guards sign confidentiality statements!!

I can’t wait till the lesbian pictures surface! Its gonna be hot BITCHES!

Share This

But what I meant by hot, was old. I know Pamela has been aging lots recently, but I was really just in denial over it. But seeing these pictures where her face looks like a crumpled up kleenex really sends the message home. Someone get this BITCH some botox ASAP!!!

She is still hotter than the average cougar.

Share This

OMG look at all the cocaine around Lindsay Lohan! Oh…wait…thats sand, my bad! But for real, this BITCH’s tit is hanging out! And check out that hot guy she is with! Oh…wait..thats Calum Best, he’s not hot!

Share This

After Mayweather was declared winner over pretty boy BITCH De La Hoya the party was poppin’ for some of the biggest names in the industry. Not only were 50 cent, Diddy and Jay Z there, many others came through as well like Usher, Jeezy, J.D. and Nelly.

Is it just me or is Young Jeezy looking manorexic or what? I want fat Jeezy back!

Share This