The answer is after the jump!

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Which normally would be considered a good thing, but the fact that her nominations are for the Razzies, its more of an insult than a compliment.  Nominated twice for her role in “I Know Who Killed Me” where Lohan played both roles of an abducted girl, and an alter ego stripper girl.

And in other news, Lindsay Lohan tucked her dress into her panties and pretty much flashed her bum to tons of people.  The real shocker out of the whole thing??? The bitch was wearing panties!

   

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So last night I went to the midnight showing of Cloverfield and it was so freaking awesome!  The only thing is now I have MORE questions than when I went in to see the movie.  There just HAS to be sequel because I want more info!  I literally thought about it until like four this morning.

And Lindsay Lohan went to the premiere as well, but she wore a skin tight black dress with her tatters hanging out.  I wore jeans, heels and kept my tatters under wraps with a  turtleneck because it was hella cold.

 

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Because it looks to me like tha bitch is just trying to make sex faces.  But I guess its good to see her actually doing a “job” as opposed to her other job of dancing in nightclubs, getting sloshed and lying about it.  And she brought the weave back and ditched the blue contacts.  In my mind those are ALL improvements, because while I thought I liked her fake hair free best, she looks better with the length of weave she’s got right now.

And if you look at the enlarged pics, especially the second thumbnail, be sure to check out her new lip job! They are poof-tastic.  But, I guess when you know your lips are going to be doing lots of “services” its better to over inflate.

 

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Like she could desperately use a friend!!! And reformed bad girl Kelly Osbourne was there to help a friend in need, how very nice of her. Now if she could just transfer some of her weight to her, it would be a win win situation for all! No disrespect to Kelly though, this is the best she has looked in a long time!!! But then again, she is standing next to Amy Winehouse, who is on more drugs than a schizo Vietnam vet.

And just a word of advice to Amy Winehouse: the blonde hair is TERRIBLE, go back to BLACK! (See what I just did there??? Her albums called back to black, and I just said her hair needs to go back to black, I totally rock at this pun thing.)

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I am sure most of you are familiar with the saying “If a tree falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?”, well Paris has her own saying:

 If a slut flashes her vagina in a bar for the bazillionth time and no one cares, will she still be a wanna-be-famous smelly cunt?

The answer is YES.

 

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Just like everyone predicted, the paparazzi that stole Bitchney’s heart has now sold what is described as semi nude pictures of the mental wreck to an Australian magazine for a mere $57k, which is much lower than the shopping price of $1 mil that was being asked of the popular weeklies, such as People and Us, who dismissed the pictures as not being very good.

Which means this pap spent a whole lovers weekend with BItchney herself and has no good pictures to show for it??? Can we say worst pap ever!

And in other news, according to TMZ, her parents are working on trying to get her committed for mental issues:

TMZ has learned Britney’s parents — especially her dad — have been earnestly trying for months to get her committed into a mental hospital for a bipolar disorder.

We know Jamie Spears in particular has felt since last summer that Brit was suffering from a mental disease and not substance abuse. Jamie was looking for a way to push his daughter into a facility but she refused. Indeed, we’re told she refused and continues to refuse to undergo a battery of tests that would officially diagnose the bipolar disorder.

We’re told both Jamie and Lynne Spears believe Sam Lutfi, the guy who was inseparable from Brit until last week, was a prime reason she was refusing treatment. They are so mad at Lutfi they threw him out of Cedars last week.

 

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Paris Hilton was spotted out walking the streets looking like a deranged lady of the night after going to Hollywood hot spot Hyde while trying to hide her black eye.  Which I would like to say was given by me while trying to knock this bitches two brain cells closer together.

Unfortunately I was not responsible, and while no one is taking claim for putting the smack down on her, its probably a  mushroom stamp from one of her cohorts with random pizza guys.

And if she did actually get punched in the dome, I vote we nominate the puncher for a medal of honor, and make a national holiday of their birthday.

p.s. I really like the fake ass look of those blue contacts, it makes her seem so natural!

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It has FINALLY happened! Proof in the form of a video shows Lindsay Lohan demonstrating how to clean the inside of a champagne bottle out on New Years, which I guess is somewhat shocking because she has been “sober” for like a whole two months now. And by sober, I mean, she hasn’t been caught knocking the bottles back, at least until now. I would say I am worried for her, but I would be lying because I really want to see this bitch drunk and crazy driving down the highway chasing people again, because, thats the Lohan I love.And in other news, she is still apparently a fiend for the cock, because shortly after meeting an Italian guy named Alessandro diNunzio, she was locking lips in public and then photographed in just a tshirt on a balcony with him the next day and now he is selling his story to the tabloids:

Lindsay, 21, threw herself at stunned stranger Alessandro diNunzio in a bar at the Capri Film Festival.
First she invited him to a gala dinner and DEMANDED he kiss her. Then she led him back to her hotel room and treated him to a night of naked red-hot lust.

Suddenly, in mid-conversation, Lindsay jumped off the bed. Alessandro said: “She stripped off completely naked, without any embarrassment at all.
“She was wearing mismatched under-wear—a black bra with emerald green French knickers. But they came off too. Naked, she took my breath away. Lindsay is stunning. Her body is absolutely perfect. Flawless.
“He grinned: “Lindsay was very, very good and surprisingly experienced. She wanted to do everything, every position. She was extremely flexible and adventurous.”

Once again, nothing shocking here other than the fact that the guy is incredibly dough-y and is showing off his tummy pouch with a lovely flannel shirt unbuttoned to let us see the jiggle, and fur, in all its disturbing glory.

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If so, you are one sick bitch, because this girl is fuglier than Paris Hilton’s soul. Maybe HAIR would help her look, it could at least cover that lumped up thing she calls a face! But hey, at least she is skinny, because, thats about all she has going for her right now.

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I had hopes for this Spearling, who is only 16, even though my hopes consisted of her not getting knocked up and going insane like her sister, but those all got flushed down the drain with the OK! magazine exclusive cover, featuring a puppy eyed picture of Jamie Lynn with the title “I’m Pregnant!”. And her winner boyfriend has already found the time to update his myspace profile with the headline “Me and Jamie are over….. :(”, which pretty much completely contradicts all the rumors that the Spears have been spreading that they have been together for a while and that they were thinking of getting married. But since myspace is not the end all for legit breaking news stories, maybe they are still together and can have a wedding with Jamie Lynn aka Layme Lynn can have a honky tonk teenage wedding!

And whats even funnier, is that not too long ago she sued the National Enquirer for reporting that she was pregnant, and now National Enquirer is mass mailing the nasty email sent to them from the Spears camp talking about how morally upright she is, and its really perhaps one of the funniest mass emailing I have seen in awhile:

“Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith.
There is no “rumor concerning Ms. Spears’ (non-existent) pregnancy, except perhaps for the baseless rumor just now being created by the National Enquirer.
Ms. Spears is not pregnant. It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to attempt to create a wholly baseless rumor that Ms. Spears is pregnant, so it can run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl.”

And now time to laugh:

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA…..breath…..AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAat this dumb bitch getting knocked up just like her sister!!!!

p.s. how many of you think she is doing this for attention???  She wants to be in the tabloids just like her Superstah Sistah!

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Since the bitch is never getting naked or acting like a dumb whore a lot of stories about her manage to fall through the cracks, but here she looks stunning on the cover of Complex magazine. She really stepped up the sexiness and left her “cuteness” behind. I must say though, I don’t agree with her quote above the third picture about never trusting people with too much cleavage, because I am pretty sure the exact opposite is true: Never trust a girl with no cleavage, because she is probably a man.

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You would think Paris Hilton learned from her DUI and stint in jail, but apparently not. The self proclaimed non-drinker launched her own line of canned sparkling wine, which just has CLASSY written all over it. In fact, its the same trashy drink that got her booted from Oktoberfest.

Then, on top of it all, she posed in nothing but gold body paint for the Rich Water Foundation, which focuses on outsourcing water from glaciers to places where they are suffering from drought. Which is nice, if you hate the environment!

Outsourcing water from glaciers is not only expensive, its impractical! It is cheaper to set up filtration for oceanic water, plus, oceans cover most of the planet, while glaciers happen to be in the most cold, hard to reach places. Plus, with glacier depletion rapidly increasing, the last thing we need to go and do is source water from a place that is practically untouched by man and is already suffering from global warming.

But I will give her some props for bringing any attention to the water shortage problems, even if it seems like the bitch is only there for bringing attention once again to her naked body and booze problems.

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Even when your weave is shitty, your face a mess and a venti starbucks cup is shoved in your face, the best revenge is being skinny. Vain, but true.

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According to NBC via the London Daily Mail, BITCHney was not too happy last week when Paris tried to steal the limelight away from her at her birthday, and it has caused a massive fallout between the two. LDM reports:

London’s Daily Mail newspaper has been alerted to a letter Spears’ camp has sent to Hilton, demanding The Simple Life star stops being rude to Britney and members of her entourage.

They reportedly threatened to leak the footage, which shows Hilton in a compromising position with another woman, unless her attitude changes.

A source says, “The letter warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online.”

Australia’s Sydney Daily Telegraph reports the former friends fell out at Spears’ 26th birthday parties in Hollywood last weekend.

But a source close to Hilton tells the Mail, “It’s obvious Britney and her bratty pals are being silly. Paris laughed when she got the letter and said it was c**p.”

So it’s crap she says? Probably just like this is completely crap and never happened either, warning NSFW image of Paris making out topless with some other girl:

Which I totally don’t care about her sexual preference or what she does, even though its sad to say the low rates of STD’s among lesbians wont stay that way for much longer if Paris keeps hooking up with them, but its just annoying that she does what only a dumb slut would do and acts like a goody two shoes twit, and denies things that there is pictorial proof of.

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Long after news coverage of what is happening to disaster-struck New Orleans has all but ceased, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are still there, and still trying to help. Brad Pitt spoke of his new project called “Make it Right” that aids in building affordable, environmentally safe homes for people still trying to rebuild their lives after Hurricane Katrina. Which is awesome, he cares about people AND the environment. Angelina and my favorite kid of theirs, Maddox, were there giving support too.

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Locked in the basement and fed through a small opening in the door! It’s not even the fact that he is all gothic either, it’s just he seriously looks like he wants to start murdering people.

And wtf, does being a goth render your smile useless? It’s like if you decide to dress so gloomy, at least try to put a freaking smile on your over powdered cake face.

For extra good laughs, go to Weston Cage’s myspace.

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I always have time to make fun of my favorite chicken faced bitch a.k.a. Paris Hilton!

Here are pictures of the heiress slut out showing off her new lips, and by lips I mean airbags. Do you think she requested them look like that? With all her dirty money you think she could buy the best lip fattener on the market. Mike Tyson can plumpin’ up lips better than the doctor she went to. But maybe when the swelling goes down and she doesn’t look like a thousand bees just stung her in the face she will have a nice pair of DSL’s, and really, what more could any hobag ask for for Christmas? (And she saw it got Bitchney Spears attention)

Oh, and you ask exactly whats going on in these pictures??? Why it’s Paris leaving a bar(shocker!), and getting into the wrong car! Either the bitch was really smashed or she is retarded? Which do you think it is???

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Ohh lord, just a day after finding out about her kinky sex dungeon, rumors are surfacing that she is pregnant with child number 3, and that the baby daddy is none other than tool bag producer J.R Rotem. In Touch supposedly reached J.R. by text and photographed the conversation:

The thing is, how is this hardly proof? Because some anonymous source said this, and I am sorry, you can store any number with any name, so it just saying “Jr Rotem” really doesn’t mean a whole lot. Don’t get me wrong though, Bitchney is a crazy sex addicted ho bag, so I wouldn’t be shocked at all to find out she knocked up. This just isn’t conclusive proof for me.

And is it wrong to kind of hope this is true? I know it would be DISASTROUS, but how hilarious and amazingly awesome would it be to see her waddling around pregnant with two kids she has lost custody of already with a crappy weave in? I don’t even know if I am prepared to handle that.

(and if you are wondering why he has a tractor dick, just click here)

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Today Jennifer Love Hewitt’s rep confirmed to Us magazine that Jennifer Love Hewitt was engaged to overseas actor Ross McCall, and said that the pictures of the couple in the ocean were taken while they were celebrating their engagement with a vacation.

And while I do wish the couple a happy engagement and what not, who gets engaged to someone with such a lame ass tattoo, even if they have really bad cellulite???

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