Jamie Spears, who has been acting as co-conservator of her estate for the past several weeks will now be fulfilling that role for a LOT longer, actually until July 31st to be exact.  Thats considering if Jamie doesn’t feel his daughter has improved by then and turn over the rights to her estate sooner, which the judge left room to allow.

Now, I don’t know about yall, but I didn’t even know shit like this could happen, especially for this long!  And even though she clearly seems to be getting better under these circumstances, I still think its crazy that a judge can turn over all control of your life to your parents when you are damn well into your twenties.  I mean, sure Bitchney was behaving crazier than a walrus on crack, but I see crazier people all the time, or at least worse dead beats, and their shit doesn’t get turned over to their parents.

I want crazy-and-in-charge Britney back!

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Paris Hilton recently filed a lawsuit against Hallmark for using an image in her likeness on one of their cards, but from their statement, it seems Hallmark really doesn’t care at all:

“Hilton has become a household name, based in large part on her efforts to draw attention to herself. Having done so, she has subjected herself to public scrutiny and the parodist’s pen. The First Amendment does not allow her to respond by welcoming the fawning and flattering, but silencing the critical and comical.“

So if for some reason you are having trouble understanding the message they were trying to get across, let me translate it for you: Paris Hilton is an attention whore who loves being praised but can’t handle being teased. Which is all true, they just left out the part about pathetic and cheap!

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Nick Hogan turned himself in today upon learning of charges issued for reckless driving causing serious bodily harm, and his family issued this statement:

“Nick and the entire Hogan Bollea family are saddened that criminal charges have been filed in regards to the tragic single car accident on August 26, 2007. Nick will meet and answer these charges in the appropriate arena a court of law. The family’s primary focus and concern still remains for the continued recovery of Nick’s longtime friend John Graziano. The Bolleas will also continue to stand by the Graziano family and help them in any way they can. The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his. Because of what happened to John, the entire Bollea family will make it a priority to increase public awareness about the importance of always wearing your seatbelt. There has been much speculation as to the speed and wet road conditions surrounding this accident. Although all the evidence has not been evaluated, preliminary reports from the experts indicate that this was not, in fact, a high-speed accident. Because Nick is still a juvenile and has no prior criminal record, we are disappointed that he is being charged as an adult offender. However, we are confident that the evidence will demonstrate that this was an accident. We ask all who follow these events to keep an open mind as to the facts until they have been ultimately determined. Finally, we thank all who have prayed for John’s recovery and ask for your continued support and prayers.”

Which sounds nice and all, but soon after they released that statement, TMZ came forward with some interesting information about Nick’s arrest:

In addition to being arrested for reckless driving involving serious bodily injury, cops also cited Hogan for use of a motor vehicle in the commission of a felony, a person under the age of 21 operating a vehicle with a breath-alcohol level of .02 or higher and having and Illegal window tint.

I am sure Nick Hogan feels real bad and all, but guess what, he is a giant ASSHOLE! Almost killing your friend, and leaving them in a still critical care health situation while you were drinking and not only driving, but racing, is a douchebag thing to do. Then, issuing statements saying he should have been wearing a seatbelt sounds like a slap to the face, because its like no shit he should have been wearing a seatbelt, but a 17 year old should not be out stunt 101ing in his nice ass car, after he has been drinking on wet roads either.

I guess this is one of those lessons you see people learn the hard way on.

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While investigation continues into allegations that David Copperfield raped a woman at his privately owned Bahama resort, TMZ has found some VERY creepy info out about him, and his whole scheme to pick up women at his shows from what they describe as a manual that he gives to employees to reference when picking out women for him:

The document describes how the assistants need to be heads-up for attractive women whom David can meet backstage after the performance. We’re told the plan is to keep boyfriends and husband in the arena, adding “from time to time, boyfriends and husbands will give us a hard time and refuse to stay. If that is the case, try your best to get them to stay and refer to the “What to Say” sheet for help.”

And it gets creepier.

According to the document, “On occasion David will have you pull in both scorpions even if he is only interested in one of them, just for comfort.”

The assistants are told to sell the women before David arrives backstage. They’re supposed to say: “Do you know that David has recently bought some islands in the Bahamas? Well they are BEAUTIFUL and we are doing a lot of project (sic) for these islands: Ads, TV, Radio and many other promotions. So we like (sic) to keep in touch with you in case there is a job in the future we think you would be interested in.”

Is being a C list celebrity not enough to get this guy laid or what? It doesn’t take much besides a good money flash and name drop to pick up most of the desperate bitches you see at the bars, so I don’t understand why this guy has a plan more complicated than a game of mousetrap without the f-ing marble!

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Because I was suffering a case of BITCHney burnout, but I think I have recovered enough to talk about how she still isn’t fit enough to take care of her kids, TMZ says:

In the order, the Commish wrote that when Britney has the kids, “the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all.” The Commish also recounts what the parenting coach complained of — that “during all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play.” According to the report, the coach wrote, “It seems that [Britney's] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.” The coach also said Spears seemed to have a “lack of general attention at times” but there was nothing she “would characterize as abusive in a traditional sense.” And then the most damning comment from the parenting coach: “The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful.”

But, I am glad to see that even in what is suppose to be her darkest times, she still has time to go out the bars dressed like an over weight trans gendered zebra cat. And hey, at least she is just neglectful not abusive, right????

In other news, her former assistant has started leaking photos to the press that show a partying, but definitely a better looking Bitchney than what we are used to. Really, these pics are TAME, with nothing shocking whatsoever, which leads me to believe that her former assistant deserves to be cunt punted into next year for being an attention-monger.

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Last week, a warehouse belonging to David Copperfield was raided by the FBI where they took computer hard drives and digital cameras. Though the reason for the raid was not disclosed, sources such TMZ are linking it to reports that a Seattle woman is claiming to have been raped by the magician:

Sources now tell TMZ Copperfield designed part of his show around “a system for picking up women.” During his show, David goes into the audience and chooses women to come on stage. We’re told that if David likes a girl, he’ll use code words with assistants like “mama” and “secrecy.” The assistants mark the women on a map of the inside of the Hollywood Theater at MGM Grand. After the show, the women are brought backstage — and that’s where the profiling begins.

The women are told that David may use them in his show when he comes to their hometown. They are then photographed with a digital camera, asked questions like, “What is your favorite men’s cologne?” and “Where do you like to vacation?” We’re told one of those vacation spots mentioned by staff is the Bahamas, where the accuser claims she was assaulted. Copperfield owns a cluster of islands in the Bahamas — which he bought for $50 million.

I totally always knew magicians were using their magic abilities for evil, because magic is the ONLY thing that would get some of those guys laid. I can’t wait to see pictures of this lady either, because, what kind of weirdo goes to an isolated island that a magician owns in another country alone??? Can we all say dumb bitch???

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We all knew things had been going too smoothly for BITCHney the last couple of days, but don’t fret! The mayhem in her life is back and she is effing up as usual! TMZ reports:

“We’ve learned Brit did not provide the drug testing people with contact information so they could reach her to facilitate the random tests, and that is what triggered Commish Gordon’s action.”

Hmmm….I wonder…WHY would Spears not want to have random drug testings done????

BECAUSE THE BITCH CAN ONLY STAY SOBER FOR A DRUG TEST FOR A FEW DAYS AT A TIME!

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The sloppy mother of two went into the police station yesterday to formally be booked on charges stemming from a hit and run that she was caught on tape committing.

Officer Mike Lopez said Spears turned herself in around 9 p.m. and left about 45 minutes later. Spears was fingerprinted and photographed, he said.

“She was fine, cooperative,” Lopez said. “She did her business and came out.”

Spears, 25, was wearing large designer sunglasses and a black turtleneck dress and jacket. As she left the station, she told KCAL-TV that all went smoothly.

“They were nice,” she said of police. She told the station she was wearing the sunglasses because she had pinkeye.

I just wanna know, can’t this bitch afford gentamicin drops???

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On the day of winning two awards at the BET awards rapper T.I. was arrested for attempting to purchase machine guns. TMZ reports:

Authorities say the bodyguard admitted to purchasing about nine firearms for T.I. in the past and about 17 firearms for other people in the musician’s posse on previous occasions. The bodyguard claims the rapper gave him cash to purchase the guns, because T.I., as a convicted felon, was not able to legally buy firearms. The bodyguard was arrested last week trying to buy several guns. After his arrest, the bodyguard agreed to cooperate with authorities.

Can we all say “dumb bitch” please? I mean honestly, what an effing moron to get caught doing this, and what an even bigger dumb ass for having body guards that will snitch on you. A judge also denied his bail, and prosecutors are asking for him to remain in jail until his court case, which could be months away. If it was anything else I would probably be defending him a little bit, but really, whatta dumbass. You are PAID, don’t go and get in trouble and blow your money on legal fees, thats just real dumb.

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Today BITCHney attended a court hearing that she requested to try and get overnight visits with her two children, with the stipulation that her mother could serve as her court appointed monitor. The judge felt inclined to give her more visitation time and is allowing her one night of supervised visits a week. It’s not yet been decided who will be the monitor, but I am sure it won’t be long till we find out if its BITCHney’s mom or someone from the state.

And, I guess with so much important shit going on today, the bitch forgot to put her panties on, and decided to go flashing her kitty cat to the world. Again. So yeah, click for the NSFW image of her gine-steen.

(more…)

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The penitentiary that is. Today Kiefer plea bargained the prosecutors, pleading “No Contest” as part of the agreement they made. Ordered by a judge to 48 days in jail as a result of his most recent DUI arrest, which brought his total DUI count to 4. He must serve 18 days immediately, leaving the other 30 days to be served by July. He will not be officially sentenced until December 21, which means he will do some his time over Christmas. And from the statement issued by Fox, he swore he would handle this in a manner that would not disrupt the filming of 24, which might explain why he agreed to the plea bargain.

And isn’t it just amazing yall? He did all this without crying like a little bitch? Impressive to say the least. What is also impressive is four DUI’s. You have to be a spectacular asshole to get that many, or at the very minimum an excessive alcoholic. I think he should have been ordered to alcohol classes too.

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Break a shitload of records when her new album comes out on iTunes. And fans are going to be able to get the album earlier than the original November 12. Jive Records announced that they will be moving the release date up to October 30, siting internet leaks for the reason.

Whenever it does come out not only will her big ass fan base be buying one copy, most will buy two, and I predict MEGA numbers on iTunes. I will just download it.

And in other news, rumor is that BITCHney hit KFed several times during their marriage, and thats the reason he asked for the court to stipulate that no corporeal punishment can be given to the boys.

And in the best story of all, BITCHney loves her dog London more than her kids, Ok! Magazine says compares their relationship:

“It set her off into hysterics,” the source tells OK! about the scene at the Marina del Rey, Calif., eatery. And a friend of Brit adds, “She cares more about London than her boys! She’ll let anyone hold Preston and Jayden, but has to really trust you for you to even touch London.”

The friend also reveals to OK! that, “If one of the boys is crying and London is barking, she’ll pick up London while the nanny calms the babies.”

I can’t really blame her because kids < dogs.

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BITCHney had a day full of steps forward for once, and managed to see her kids, supervised of course. She also passed a court ordered drug test, which means she must be clean of most drugs, although some things do pass through the system quickly. TMZ reports:

Britney Spears took a drug test this weekend and passed.

It was part of the court order requiring Britney to undergo testing. Sources say contrary to what they call “public perception,” Britney has accepted the terms laid down by L.A. Court Commissioner Scott Gordon.

We’re also told Britney is currently with her children and a parenting coach and all is going fine. She has visitation from morning till early evening. Spears also had similar visitation yesterday and last Saturday, and she has accepted the fact that a parenting coach will be watching and making suggestions.

As we first reported, Britney would not open the door for the children last Thursday because she didn’t want anyone to tell her how to raise her kids. But as one connected source says, “It’s all stabilized and it’s all good.”

Honestly, I think making your YOUNG ass kids wait outside your house for over forty minutes because you don’t want anyone “telling you how to raise your kids” is heinous. I can’t help but think that she is a MEGA CRAZY ASS BITCH!

And as far as her on going legal trouble for a hit and run, sources are reporting:

Britney Spears has just been ordered by a Los Angeles County judge to be booked for hit-and-run, before her next court appearance on Oct. 25.
Brit’s attorney Michael Flanagan says Britney will comply with the court’s decision.
Flanagan also says Britney is trying to work out a deal with the woman whose car she hit.

Maybe she can just like, give one of her kids to the lady to make up for hitting her car and not leaving a note…oh wait…she can’t because she doesn’t have custody!!! (and thats what I like to call a burn bitches!!)

And since I missed a few posts on what she was up to lately (sorry school has been hectic) here is a brief summary:

She reunited with her mom, and spent some time with her sister where they were attacked by a super bitchy over the top soccer mom who put her hands on Jamie Spears, who rebutted when the lady told her sister she was ruining the neighborhood by telling her “Then move the fuck out of the neighborhood!” Its really nice to see that is going to be just as classy as her big sis, and fortunately for us, it was all caught on videotape.

And its not over yet…..here is footage of the high school drop out showing of her brain power by smoking at the gas station, while she is at a pump. YAY for smart people!!! You can tell this bitch didn’t need to go and get on of those edjamakashun things.

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I don’t know about you but I am a sucker for daytime court shows, and Judge Mathis just happens to be absolute favorite, and now some BITCH is trying to sue him! The woman, Melody Burnham, had appeared on his show before, and said it took her over a year to realize it is not a “real” court of law. Which is funny, because, I don’t know how many “real” courts would have a studio audience, cameras, a dressing room and would fly litigants out of a jurisdiction and halfway across the country. The dumb BITCH also alleges she was held hostage for 6 hours in a dressing room, and she didn’t know that she was being counter-sued until moments before going before Judge Mathis. She also complained that he ridiculed her for being a honky when he laughed at pictures showing her washing machine on her porch and concluding with “I am sending you hillbillies back to the hills!”.

Mathis’ camp has already issued statements saying this lawsuit is without merit and they have very careful legal procedures which they follow.

But honestly, how much of a dumb bitch do you have to be to think court tv is the “real” thing??? It would be like thinking wrestling, unicorns and a sober Lindsay Lohan were all real!

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You know, most moms, when losing custody of their kids would be at home sobbing, on the phone with their lawyer and trying to get their kids back. But NOT if you are BITCHney Spears. BITCHney actually turned her kids over just hours after being court ordered, when she had until tomorrow to officially relinquish custody. Then she did what most moms drug addicts do, she went tanning! She honestly looks better already though, maybe she just isn’t “mother material” and can’t handle the stress of being a parent.

I vote to keep the kids with Kevin!!! Its the ONLY way she has a chance at a comeback cuz we have clearly seen she can’t balance both - without going crazy.

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Today a judge rewarded Kevin Federline 100% custody, for an indefinate period of time, as a result of BITCHney’s recent legal matters including a hit and run, and driving without a valid license. She was ordered to turn her two boys over to Kfed by Wednesday at the latest, and she still must follow a previous ruling stating she must attend parenting classes, take biweekly drug test and seek therapy for parenting issues. TMZ reports:

Judge Gordon had ordered Spears to undergo random drug testing and take parenting classes. Sources say Federline’s powerhouse lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, raised the issue that Spears was driving without a valid California driver’s license … Spears took the kids to the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. at 12:02 this afternoon and surrendered the kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard three minutes later.

Since she has a valid license in her home state of Louisiana I think its crappy that THIS would be the thing to make her lose custody. So what she never went and took a new picture at a California DMV? It doesn’t change how she drives. Plus she has been pulled over and investigated several times but no one ever called her out on this before. If anything, they should be focusing on her weird ass behavior, not something as minute as that. Although, its pretty dumb she didn’t make the effort to switch her license when she moved, its really not that hard to do, if you have more than three brain cells.

But on the real, I predict this bitch is inching closer to “rock bottom”.

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I don’t know if the BITCH is trying to go to jail or what, but between all her allegations of drug and child abuse, the last thing this BITCH really needed was another court case. But thats what she got, because on August 6, she hit a parked van, got out and looked at her car, then just walked away. She didn’t even take the time to look at the van she had hit, or to write a letter of any sorts. And she didn’t have a valid license at the time. So now queen BITCHney is facing a hit and run charge causing property damage and one count of driving without a valid California license. Both are misdemeanor’s, so the BITCH-ster should be able to get off with fines, but both penalties could result in up to a year in jail.

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In almost those exact words! The details of the court rulings were released, and People magazine seems to have summed it up nicely:

Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline may not consume alcohol or non-prescription controlled substances at least 12 hours prior to being with their children.
Spears was ordered to meet with a “parenting coach” at least twice a week for a total of eight hours, according to court documents released Tuesday.
“The parenting coach is to observe (Spears’s) interaction with the minor children and her parenting skills,” the Commissioner wrote. The coach will provide lawyers on both sides with written reports, and will appear in court at the ex-couple’s next hearing on Nov. 26.
Both Spears, 25, and Federline, 29, have also been ordered to complete a program called “Parenting Without Conflict,” and must enroll by the end of the week. They must attend joint co-parenting counseling, and both sides must decide on selection of a therapist by week’s end.
The commissioner also ruled that both sides are not allowed to use corporal punishment on the kids, and must refrain from making “derogatory remarks” about each other and their families.

I think this judge did a pretty good job of attempting to fix all the problems he could, but it reminds me of a saying I have heard before, “You can’t fix crazy”, and Spears is obviously crazy, because, right after getting this ruling, the BITCH went out partying at two different night clubs! I guess she really knows how to take a hint. And just for fun, here is video of the best mom ever, leaving a nightclub.

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We have joked, and joked about the day BITCHney would lose her kids because of her constant bizarre behavior, but it looks like today is the day. Not only has she lost her manager and her lawyer in the past three days, now Kevin Federline has received temporary full custody of the two boys. Fox News reports:

Commissioner Scott Gordon will order the boys, 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James, turned over to Federline based on information that Los Angeles Family Court received over the weekend about Spears, the sources told FOXNews.com. During Monday’s custody hearing, Spears’ former bodyguard accused the pop star of having “issues of nudity and drug use” since she returned from rehab.

As funny as I could probably make this sound, it would take entirely too much work. This situation is just sad, sad, sad. Lets just hope this is the wake up call she needed, and after this is resolved, hopefully she can move forward and stop being so damn crazy.

Also, nudity shouldn’t really be counted against her as a parent. Plenty of kids are raised in clothing optional families and turn out fine. And NOOOO, I haven’t gone soft on BITCHney, I just think her kids safety should be judged on craziness not nudity.

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So BITCHney and Kfed were due in court today, and all kinds of shit is hitting the fan! Not only did BITCHney’s lawyer file paperwork to separate herself from the walking train wreck. Spears is expected to replace her with celeb lawyer Marci Levine.

Also causing drama was the revelation of the secret witness, who is none other than Fat Tony, and, as suspected, he is a former body guard to Spears and was fired last spring. And whether or not he is called in to testify today, his lawyer, Gloria Allred plans to hold a press conference addressing who he is and what he plans to say!

Team Kevin all day!!!

And stay tuned for updates!

UPDATE #1: Gloria Allred held her press conference today, and said Tony Baretto (Fat Tony) submitted a declaration to the court, which contained allegations of nudity, drug use and safety concerns AFTER BITCHney went to rehab. And even though Baretto was not called to testify by either parties, Allred says her clients claims were “unrefuted and unchallenged”.

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