Last night South Park was the funniest shit ever, and I just wanted to include some highlights/quotes from the show, since it was all about Bitchney and the paparazzi, and how freaking crazy all this shit has gotten:
- Boys are watching a presidential debate, that is interrupted to say Britney Spears is in town.
- Britney Spears goes camping in South Park, where she pees outside on a ladybug and the picture goes for $100,000
- Kyle exclaims: “$100,000 for a picture of Britney peeing on a ladybug. Imagine what a picture of her crapping on a squirrel is worth!â€Â (see picture above of Butters in a squirrel outfit)
- The south park kids pretended to be her kids and sneak into the hotel she relocated to, then when she found out they were not really her kids, she shoots herself in the head, only to survive, headless of course.
-Â She continues to perform at an award show, where people call her fat, and say she is lipsynching even though she doesn’t have a head and all her sounds are basically grunting.
- The boys give a speech on how the papz need to stop, or they are going to kill Britney, then basically the papz photograph her already headless body to death. Really.
I love how South Park is the only show that will really push the envelope on everything that is currently happening in the news, really goes to show Matt and Trey ain’t no bitches!!! Because, as much as I love celebrity gossip, I hate when I am trying to watch the “real” news, and they are talking about some celeb bullshit that has no place on the evening news.
This shit is too funny, and just another reason I love him and Heidi! And he can bitch about the papz and its okay, because, guess why? He doesn’t live in the middle of LA!
I have been out of the loop on posting this, but to just sum it up New York governor Elliot Spitzer was busted for spending over $80k on a prostitute named Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Then Hustler and Girls Gone Wild, hoping to feature her in their new magazine, both offered a million dollars to Ashley in the hopes of getting her naked for their pages. BUT recently(and FINALLY) released from jail GGW owner, Joe Francis, hit the nudey pay dirt when he found old footage of her already getting naked and all kinds of shit in the Girls Gone Wild archives.
So this prostitute bitch effed her chances at a million dollars by getting on a bus a couple years ago and getting all freaky deaky for a tshirt or a hat. It is rumored she has enough footage for SEVEN tapes, including some girl on girl footage. You know she is at home feeling like the dumbest bitch on the planet!!! Joe Francis had this to say about his previous offer of a mil, and finding the new footage:
“It’ll save me a million bucks,” Francis told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “It’s kind of like finding a winning lottery ticket in the cushions of your couch.”
He said his employees got to work on pulling the footage and planned to offer it on the Web site by Tuesday evening, with a free sampling on the front page and the rest available with a $29.95 monthly subscription.
Speaking of Joe Francis, he is looking surprisingly hot, or perhaps its just the ex inmate vibe thats so sexy, I really don’t know, but these feelings are causing me to have mixed emotions and the last thing I need on spring break is to have a mental breakdown over the fact my brain can’t comprehend Joe Francis and the word “hot” in a sentence together. (see below picture for evidence of said hotness)
A LOT of Americans hate on France, and I don’t think I ever quite understood why. My latest hypothesis is because this is what their president’s wife looks like, while ours looks like a month old bag of potatoes in a unisex suit.
EEk! I don’t know if that thing between CoCo’s legs is a camel toe, or the whole damn foot! Doesn’t she know shrink wrapping your vag can cause yeast infections???
You would be able to notice the greatest F-ING wallpaper of all time! I want to wallpaper my entire living room with the bunny humping paper! And Bar Rafeali ain’t looking too rough herself, but give her a break, its hard to compete with pink bunnies that are doing it.
If you are addicted to crap-tastic reality shows like myself, you are loving this season of Rock of Love, and now there is even more juicy gossip about the show! Daisy, pictured above, who is the resident Pam Anderson rip off, just fuglier, happens to have a VERY famous uncle…..think you can guess who??? The only hint I will give is that he probably has asked to borrow her clothes before….
Everyone knows the hoard of paparazzi following Britney Spears around is just absolutely-fucking-ridiculous. And its only going to get crazier, or so I can assume, as reports of photo agencies recruiting Crips and Bloods to do their dirty work for them and fight for the pictures of the dysfunctional pop star. One pap confides:
They claim rival agencies are arming the thugs with cameras and sending them out to do battle with the dozens of paps who rubberneck around Hollywood’s favorite train wreck.
Veteran snapper Nick Stern, who quit the Splash agency this month, said: “I’ve heard stories of fights, of car tires being slashed, cars being blocked in.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love seeing all the pics of the celebs doing their day to day bullshit, but this is just stupid. People must be really desperate for money if the only thing they can do is fight for a picture of Bitchney leaving the gas station at 4 in the morning, while getting their ass kicked by a crip who decided he wants to c walk on someones face.
Pic is of Bitchney outside of Millenium dance studio, where she was later joined by her father Jamie before returning home. It seems as if the crazy train is coming to a halt, but we will see how long it last.
Just like I, and anyone else with a brain, predicted, Paris Hilton’s latest movie was a box office bomb. Fantasy Moguls has the direct breakdown of numbers:
The final count will show that the critically reviled comedy featuring the seemingly talentless Hilton has sold a meager $25,500 in tickets at 111 locations over the weekend. That’s only $230 per screen for theaters that were convinced to book this disaster. That means that, based on an $8 average ticket price, 29 paying customers showed up at each location over the 3-day period.
LMFAO at this dumb bitch really trying to be a movie star. She needs to stick to what she knows works for her: PORN! Its the fall back career of many actress/models and since she isn’t really either of those, I think its time she gets back on the grind (literally) in the porn business.
I will be the first person to declare my love for Borat and his lime green banana sling, but now that John Mayer decided to don one instead of normal swim wear, I have got to put my foot down. Its bad enough I have seen more body hair growing out of absurd places on Sacha Baron Cohen, but to have to see John Mayer’s pube fest is just too much. And while its somewhat-kinda-funny, its been done, we have all been disgusted by it before, so the funniness is fleeting. But, he is trying to be funny, which I can handle, as opposed to him being a big time serious blogger.
Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go debride my eyes with hydrochloric acid.
Yup. Thats right. At HARVARD. But fortunately, I think those kids are too smart not to be doing this as a backhand compliment and are really going to mock her. And just for fun, here are some other peoples classic responses to this:
 I’d rather see the Green River Killer honored than this whore. Or Hitler. Or the Devil. At least they had some initiative, some oomph and “can do” spirit.
Awww!
This has got to be a joke award that she paid to get. The title of her “movie” should be, “Dumber, Dumberer, and Sluttier”. Piss on harvard for letting the STD ridden, lazy eyed, gapping cooze bimbo step on campus.
harvard is the new yale
haha nah the best part is that she prolly a) has no clue what lampoon means and b) thinks this is a serious award
Harvard Lampoon Magazine is ‘awarding’ her Woman of the Year… Word:lampoon Function: noun a harsh satire usually directed against an individual
Guess I am not the only one who thinks she is a useless twat. And who else bets this is the closest that Paris will come to getting educated ever in her life?
Which normally would be considered a good thing, but the fact that her nominations are for the Razzies, its more of an insult than a compliment. Nominated twice for her role in “I Know Who Killed Me” where Lohan played both roles of an abducted girl, and an alter ego stripper girl.
And in other news, Lindsay Lohan tucked her dress into her panties and pretty much flashed her bum to tons of people. The real shocker out of the whole thing??? The bitch was wearing panties!
Eminem, who’s alter ego is Slim Shady, is going to have to come up with a new name, because National Enquirer has published pictures of the rapper looking “quite plump” (read: a completely pale fat ass). Usually I wouldn’t run something from such a shitty magazine, but the proof is in the picture, and its pretty safe to say obese is not a good look for the rapper at all. The magazine says his binge eating at Taco Bell and Outback, spurred by stress and depression, has caused him to balloon up to over 200 lbs.
And Jenny Craig must be trying to reach male demographics age 13-25 because they have offered to take on the chubtastic rapper, and designed a weight loss plan for him:
After rumors swirled last week about Eminem ballooning to over 200 lbs. in the midst of some recent health problems, a spokesperson for the Slim-Fast company talked to UK gossip magazine OK! about ways that Marshall can become Slim Shady again. “Slim-Fast is a program that can really work for someone like Eminem; it’s a doable and flexible approach,†the spokesperson said. “Slim-Fast would love to offer Eminem product and assistance to help him become a potential S-F success story.†They even went so far as to design a specific plan for Em that could result in a loss of 1-2 lbs. per week:
Breakfast: Slim·Fast Optima Cappuccino Delight shake; plus a banana
Snack: Slim·Fast Optima Blueberry Muffin Bar and an apple or pear
Lunch: Combine a Slim·Fast Optima French Vanilla shake with ½ roast beef sandwich + piece of fruit
Snack: ¼ cup of hummus with 1 cup baby carrots and 2 sticks of low-fat string cheese
Dinner: Garden salad with fat-free dressing; barbequed chicken with veggies and wild rice; strawberries with 1/2 cup fat-free frozen yogurt
Snack: Mini bag of popcorn
Drinks: 8+ glasses of calorie free beverages, preferably water
And that totally sounds like the worst diet ever. Honestly, I would rather be a fat bitch than go on this lame diet. And nothing works better than getting your flabby ass up and getting on a treadmill. My diet plan for Eminem would be simple:
1. Fly to Miami
2. Jog to your home back in Michigan
3. Buy new clothes that aren’t sweat pants
See, it’s that easy!!! And if any of you bitch nuggets want a customized workout plan, just ask, because obviously I am the shit at this.
Khia, better known has that girl who sang the really dirty rap song “My Neck, My Back” writes an advice column for Hood Magazine, and I see why….THE BITCH IS HOOD!!!
Here, she answers a question from a young, pregnant reader:
Khia, Hey girl I hope you choose this to go in the magazine. My name is Lashawn and I’m seventeen down here in Dade county. Anyway I just had my second baby from a grown ass man, 27 to be exact, who said he was gone be there after the baby was born.
He kept fucking me while I was pregnant all the way up to the doctor said I couldn’t have any more sex. After that he disappeared. I feel so lost. What should I do? - - LaShawn
Khia’s response:
AMBER ALERT!
Somebody call the police, there’s a molestor on the loose!!!! Oh my bad, I guess I’m the only one who see’s this is a crime. What’s really hood Lashawn? Sorry to be so blunt but you were fucking a child molestor and be glad he’s gone. I know you may think you’re in love, but this was never love on his end. This was a grown ass man fucking a vulnerable child, now about to be a mother. My advice to you is it’s time to grow up and the first lesson you have to learn is:
Don’t trust no nigga Trust no man but God Love yourself and respect your body Don’t let anyone talk you out of your panty pudding
You let this man fuck you with no protection and get you pregnant. Girl you slipping and its time for you to start preparing for your child. He or she needs you to give them the love that you missed along the way and trust me you won’t find that love in any man, only from God and within yourself. Get prayed up and surround yourself with women of wisdom who can help you along the way. Why are you worried about the man, its time to give all that love and energy to your child and I promise
And who else can agree with the fact that a term like “panty pudding” just doesn’t get enough usage??? It might be the greatest phrase ever coined.
John Mayer took it upon himself to blog in self defense of his ex, Jessica Simpson, after Texans have begun to turn on her for ruining the cowboys season, and resulting in their defeat in the playoffs. He writes:
Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,
This isn’t a sports blog, and it isn’t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)
This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.
I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don’t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I’m betting emotions are running high right about now.
All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It’s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don’t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn’t be able to, but it’s less work for all involved.)
I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I’m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday’s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.
JM
Okay, I will give him some credit, Jessica Simpson wasn’t actually running on the field and fucking passes up, but she was with him in Mexico on the teams break, and then they came back, and he really sucked. And sure she loves Texas, but what has she done for us Texans, besides make us look like retards? Although she did have some help from George Dubya on that one.
And all I want to know now is, who is going to write a blog for John Mayer in defense of him acting like a pussy???
I’ve known for a long time now that Bitchney does things just to fuck with people, and now it seems her paparazzi lover is getting in on it too! Recent images on the web that show Bitchney and her bum ass b/f shopping for pregnancy test were leaked by none other than the pap company he works for.
But, Ok! magazine is reporting that the mother of two is actually trying to get pregnant:
Now the pop star has lost both custody and visitation rights with her precious sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James and, as an insider reveals only in the new issue of OK!, friends fear she may seek to heal her loneliness by having another child — this time with her married paparazzo boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib!
“Britney hates when things are taken from her,” a family member of Kevin Federline tells OK!. “The court’s taken Preston and Jayden away, so she’ll just have another kid to take their place. That’s the way she thinks.”
I don’t support child abuse, but GOD I hope this story is true. A pregnant Spears who has already lost custody of two children is just awesome tabloid stories in the making.
Welcome to the Head Bitch, a hollywood celebrity blog specializing in providing the latest news and gossip, and proving who the top bitch really is while making these celebitches cry.
