So yeah, Oktoberfest goes down every year in Germany, and basically the goal is to get as wasted as possible and be a drunken mess, but even drunken messes have their limit, and the one thing that they don’t want is a cheap whore that drinks canned wine. Cheap whore being synonymous with Paris Hilton that is. E! Online reports:
Munich locals complained that their annual bender was “selling out” by having celebs shill during the big swill. But probably the key reason for banning Paris was that last year she was pimping her own brand of canned wine. For Bavarian beer snobs, canned beer is blasphemy, canned wine an abomination.
But really, lets take a second and look at what Paris accomplished, because getting banned from Oktoberfest would be like getting banned from Mardi Gras, it just don’t happen, especially when you are a blonde bitch who likes to get naked and flash their cash and prizes to anyone with a camera.
I don’t know if the BITCH is trying to go to jail or what, but between all her allegations of drug and child abuse, the last thing this BITCH really needed was another court case. But thats what she got, because on August 6, she hit a parked van, got out and looked at her car, then just walked away. She didn’t even take the time to look at the van she had hit, or to write a letter of any sorts. And she didn’t have a valid license at the time. So now queen BITCHney is facing a hit and run charge causing property damage and one count of driving without a valid California license. Both are misdemeanor’s, so the BITCH-ster should be able to get off with fines, but both penalties could result in up to a year in jail.
So, basically I am laughing my ass off at Perez Hilton on a weekly basis when I see him on MTV’s Celebrity Rap Superstar show, because, basically he looks like a stupid, pedophile BITCH! And now, he has resorted to begging for votes on his site. Which is sad, and VERY pathetic. You will never catch this BITCH begging for votes, but thats because I am too proud(and I am so awesome I wouldn’t have to right??? RIGHT!?!?!).
In almost those exact words! The details of the court rulings were released, and People magazine seems to have summed it up nicely:
Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline may not consume alcohol or non-prescription controlled substances at least 12 hours prior to being with their children.
Spears was ordered to meet with a “parenting coach” at least twice a week for a total of eight hours, according to court documents released Tuesday.
“The parenting coach is to observe (Spears’s) interaction with the minor children and her parenting skills,” the Commissioner wrote. The coach will provide lawyers on both sides with written reports, and will appear in court at the ex-couple’s next hearing on Nov. 26.
Both Spears, 25, and Federline, 29, have also been ordered to complete a program called “Parenting Without Conflict,” and must enroll by the end of the week. They must attend joint co-parenting counseling, and both sides must decide on selection of a therapist by week’s end.
The commissioner also ruled that both sides are not allowed to use corporal punishment on the kids, and must refrain from making “derogatory remarks” about each other and their families.
I think this judge did a pretty good job of attempting to fix all the problems he could, but it reminds me of a saying I have heard before, “You can’t fix crazy”, and Spears is obviously crazy, because, right after getting this ruling, the BITCH went out partying at two different night clubs! I guess she really knows how to take a hint. And just for fun, here is video of the best mom ever, leaving a nightclub.
Charity worker of the year Paris! Like, they need to make an award, like in her honor, you know? Like, for people who do a lot of good stuff, like opening a mens shelter in their vagina. She is just so honorable, and nice, and good willed that its like embarrassing to be not like her. But not everyone can host up to 30 men in their smelly box like Paris can. Next time you donate some canned goods, think about the people out there like Paris, who just continually sacrifice their vaginas for the good of man kind.
With as much shit as I give BITCHney Spears, I was really hoping she would wow us at the VMA’s, but the BITCH didn’t! In fact, it was HORRIBLE. I have seen strippers put more thought into their stage show than BITCHney. And already the story is being turned around. Because, you know, its definitely not HER fault that her show sucked so bad, and here are the many, many excuses her and her few remaining fans have come up with:
1. Sarah Silverman - supposedly BITCHney heard her practicing her routine, specifically the part where she says that BITCHney’s kids are the “cutest mistakes” and said they were as cute as the vayjayjay that they came out of, and this threw BITCHney off her game. But, funny BITCH and awesome person altogether, Sarah Silverman denied BITCHney could have even heard it, because she never rehearsed any of her jokes there, and she went on after BITCHney committed career suicide.
2. Her Manager - Its the same guy responsible for driving Kelly Clarkson’s newest album straight into the ground.
3. MTV - They didn’t let her do her original show that included Criss Angel helping plan it, so she wasn’t very enthusiastic about and just didn’t try hard.
4. Her Booze - During rehearsals the drunk BITCH was drinking margaritas, and went out clubbing the night before, and the night after.
The only one of those options that make any type of sense at all is number 4, but I am pretty sure thats not right either because booze makes people dance like assholes, not brain dead slut moms. I think it more likely is a heavy dose of xanax and paxil mixed with booze that made her seem so dumb. OR….maybe she is just the dumb redneck BITCH we all thought she turned into.
And if you want a REALLY good laugh, just head over to BITCHney Spears fansite, BreatheHeavy.com, and read all these idiot-tards supporting BITCHney and hating on Sarah Silverman. Then I recommend you sign up and tell them why it was all BITCHney’s fault that she sucked.
Ohh, and if you really thought BITCHney’s crotch shots were all accidents, well she flashed it again after the VMA’s, in what I am guessing is, a pathetic cheap shot at getting attention.
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After the jump is the semi-NSFW pic of BITCHney flashing her beaver!!! (more…)
And Paris Hilton ain’t changed shit about herself! Here she is going to a party at the Playboy Mansion in her lingerie. Which really, isn’t a big deal, it just reinforces what a dumb slut she is. I am so glad the BITCH went on Larry King boo-hooing about how she is negatively portrayed and talking about doing charity and giving back, because, didn’t you know, the Playboy mansion is in DIRE need of charity. Yup, I know it sounds odd, but really, they need the help from all the dumb, mostly naked sluts they can find! I am glad Paris chose to pick a good cause and really go after it!
What I honestly don’t understand is why she even said all that shit about wanting to build a shelter for women and do charity, and all that jazz. What the BITCH should have said is “I still want to continue on living my pointless, predictable, self centered life and party like a whore constantly!”. At least that would have been being honest.
p.s. dont you just love how this BITCH is so giant that her thigh high stokcings barely cover her knees???
So BITCHney was out driving around and tried to park her car, but the dumb BITCH hit the car next to hers. Thankfully, none of her kids were in the backseat and it was all caught on tape. Unfortunately for BITCHney, it only makes her look like the biggest BITCH ever. Mostly because she gets out of the car, flashes her crotch, only takes the time to inspect her car, and then just walks away from the scene of the accident without leaving as much as a letter, qualifying this as a hit and run. Which BITCHney should be familiar with, because its a lot like what Kfed did to her: he hit that shit, and then he ran out!!!
And I am no driving expert, but maybe parking would be easier if BITCHney wasn’t driving with a dumb ass dog in her lap.
Usually I avoid most of the stories involving people’s babies, but with BITCHney it’s just too hard! Life & Style magazine, and Us Weekly, are all reporting about the bad parenting these children, who are only 22 mos and 11 mos old, are receiving. Here are the highlights from the stories:
“When Britney and Kevin were first married, she objected to his smoking around the kids, the insider notes, but now ’she smokes like a chimney in front of them.’ Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.â€
Britney constantly hands kids when she’s tired: “She has a short attention span, and that applies to caring for her kids. Jayden is at a fussy stage, and when he starts crying, Brit hands the baby to a bodyguard to calm him down. When she needs a break, she gives her boys to the nearest person — even shopgirls at clothing stores!â€
When Sean asks for Grandma, Britney: “tells the boys, ‘she’s a bad lady.’â€
Says an insider, “He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying.â€
Britney has even become so bothered by Sean P.’s teeth yellowing, she “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!†Thankfully, the dentist refused.
A Spears pal adds, “[Britney] feeds them total crap like Doritos and soda.†She also reportedly gives him chewing gum (potential choking hazard).
And how does Britney put Sean P. to bed? Says the source, “She fed Sean ice cream before bed because the cold would make him sleepy.â€
This would be funny if it was a movie, but its not. These are actual babies we are talking about. I don’t even understand how a person could get to the conclusion that pouring a soda into a baby’s bottle is a good idea. And they are so young they shouldn’t even know what it taste like at all, so it’s not like they should be asking for it either. And teeth whitening on a baby?? That doesn’t make sense at all, especially because those teeth are just going to fall out when he is 6 anyway!
It’s insane when you think about the fact that BITCHney is less capable of being a good parent than Michael Jackson, who makes his kids wear masks, dangles them off balconies, gets accused of being a pedo and names them things like Blanket.
Literally!!! This BITCH has more BITCHES than a madam at a whore house! And I really love how, instead of adopting an animal from a shelter, she just goes and drops about $3000 each on these fug BITCHES. Because you really think, someone that LOVES animals as much as she claims to would want to rescue animals from impending death at a pound and encourage others to do the same. But nope! That would be way too nice of a thing for this money hungry ego tripping BITCH to consider, and PETA agrees! They sent her this letter in response to her(and BITCHney Spears) new pup purchase:
Dear Paris and Britney,
So, you have popped into a pet store to pick up some more doggie arm candy. Your impulse purchases of dogs encourage others to follow suit, no matter how ill-equipped they are to provide a decade or more of care for a little dog who has feelings and needs and who requires patience, veterinary care, and stimulation other than nightclub music and bar laughter. Also, for every pet store puppy purchased, a pound puppy dies (and a breeder — probably somewhere in Arkansas or Missouri — is rewarded for adding yet another litter to the pet overpopulation crisis). A California bill that would have required most dogs and cats to be spayed or neutered-and therefore would have helped reduce the taxpayer burden for disposing of (killing) homeless animals-was recently defeated by greedy breeders. Perhaps you and other vacuous stars need to tattoo “Don’t buy while pound pups die” on your foreheads to remind each other of that home truth.
Very truly yours,
Ingrid E. Newkirk, President
PETA
Usually I think PETA is a little extreme, mainly because I love meat and leather, but I think they make a VERY good point here.
Well, we’ve been saying her outlandish whore behavior would catch up with her, but we didn’t think it would happen this soon!!! Hilton’s grandfather, who is basically the money bags of the family, is reportedly so embarrassed by the way Paris Hilton has been slutting it up that he has cut the dumb BITCH out of his will! News.com reports:
Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter’s wild behavior - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.
But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw, a Hilton biographer says.
“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says (a source). “He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.”
Barron Hilton, the only member of the family left with a sizeable stake in the huge hotel chain, has let it be known that he intends to donate the $2.4 billion he will gain from this month’s sale of the company to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, the charity set up in the name of the founder of the family business.
When your own Grandpa thinks you are a dirty whore, you might need to step away from the random cock you are holding and run to church FAST! Unfortunately, I don’t think the money loss will really hurt this BITCH at all, she has made a ton of cash whoring her image out onto everything from sex tapes to hair extensions.
I also vote now that we never call her “Paris the Heiress” ever again, but instead, “Paris the embarrassment” or “Paris - that fucking dirty skank ho who is famous for nothing” and yes, the f word is used as a verb in that last part.
In a not so surprising statement to Access Hollywood, druggie BITCH Lohan said this via email message:
“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”
Since this BITCH absolutely makes no sense at all, its pretty amusing. Because I know, when I am heading out on a car chase of someone who supposedly nearly ran me over, I like to hold my friends coke in my pocket for good luck. And drink lots of booze first. And then for extra luck, I usually put my coke my friends coke in my nose, because I am just SUCH a good friend fiend.
And just in case you were wondering, YES, that picture is of Lindsay the night of her DUI.
This week, OK! Magazine is going to be running a tell all interview with pictures from a photoshoot directed by BITCHney herself, so whats the problem you ask? BITCHney was acting like trash as usual!!!! The whole situation was such a disaster that OK! Magazine released this statement:
“OK! Magazine spent a heartbreaking day with Britney Spears and witnessed first-hand an emotional cry for help that will leave you shocked and sad. This week, on newsstands Friday, the truth will be told.”
What the hell could the BITCH be saying, besides “I went crazy, and everyone who tried to help me I told to go f*ck themselves!”? Or, “I don’t know how to use birth control, and had two kids back to back, had postpartum depression, and even though I have all the money in the world I didn’t get help with anything.” There is a million and one things she could say about being crazy, but somehow I just know this BITCH is really going to go too far with this interview and say something certifiably insane. TMZ had an insider at the OK! magazine interview, and here is what they reported:
According to multiple sources, Britney’s behavior during the interview was “nothing less than a meltdown.” She was, according to our sources, “completely out of it” during the shoot. The photos are “so bad” we’ve learned, that to publish them could “kill her career.” Apparently, Brit Brit’s eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead.
Her mood was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her.
We’ve also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. After she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Our on-set spy also says that her dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used a Chanel dress to clean it up!
As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We’ve learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn’t havin’ none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her “skanky friends” to do her hair and makeup.
Hmmm…erratic, bizarre behavior coupled with weight loss and paranoia…I am going out on a limb her and saying this BITCH is abusing prescription drugs, booze and cocaine!!! Or maybe she just really has always been this TRASHY. What I am really wondering is what affect this will have on the children and her custody? If its too much of a disaster, I am sure Kfed, the good parent, will step in and get full custody.
When I woke up smiling this morning, I knew it was going to be a good day, but I didn’t know it was going to be THIS good!
Our favorite party BITCH Lindsay Lohan, who we thought was reforming, got caught up in quite the booze and drug scandal. It all started when her assistant quit during the night and asked her mom to come pick her up. When the defunct assistant’s mom arrived and picked her up, a chase ensued with Lindsay herself tailing their Escalade in a Denali. The mom called 911 and said they were being chased and were on their way to the police station. The police got to them first however, and conducted a field sobriety test, including walking in a line, which she failed. Later, a breath test was given to drunk BITCH Lohan who failed with a miserable .12-.13 blood alcohol level. The icing on the cake was the cocaine they discovered in her pocket when booking the dumb BITCH. She was released on bond this morning, and I am sure she is getting fucked up already!! Speaking of being released on bond, amazing how a white BITCH gets out of jail after chasing people while being drunk and coked up, and in possession of coke, yet Lil Wayne and Ja Rule were both in jail longer than this BITCH. Oh, and the cops had to be called to catch a drunk coke maniac driving down the street after someone, but somehow new york cops can just spot concealed weapons from a mile away, its really amazing! (I wish you could see me rolling my eyes)
But what I want to know why the hell she was fake wearing the alcohol bracelet? I knew that damn thing didn’t have any batteries in it! I am really disappointed, not because she is a drugger, but because she is a big fake BITCH! She has also officially lowered herself to Paris Hilton standards. She needs to really get her shit together, you can tell in her mug shot she is starting to get a coke nose, much more snorting and she will be looking like Michael Jackson. And can someone please tell me why this dumb BITCH thought it was a good idea to just be rolling with coke in her pocket??? Ever hear of a hiding spot? Or ditching it before you get checked in? Or what about having a patsy to take your fall for you? My guess is the BITCH was too coked up and forgot it was there, because otherwise she woulda been snorting it off the hood of her car while she was being handcuffed.
And, yeah, this totally disproves my theory that rehab does a body good from yesterday, because apparently in Hollywood COCAINE does the body good.
p.s. check out this BITCH’s eyes in her mugshot, if her pupils got any more dilated she would be looking like Wilma from The Flintstones!
UPDATE: THE BITCH HAS CHECKED INTO A **NEW** REHAB CENTER!!! and here lawyer issued this statement:
“Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care.”
Our always classy BITCHney was caught yelling some crude things at a fatty photographer over the weekend:
“Hey baby, when are you going to get on a diet? Have you ever tried weight watchers, you fat fuck. Why don’t you run, you need to fuckin jog, you pussy. Yeah, run, run bitch.”
And better yet, she had both her children with her, so maybe they learned some new words from their mommy. Who am I kidding??? You know BITCH was their first word! I would also like to point out the irony of BITCHney making fun of anyone, because everyone knows how classy, sexy and naturally beautiful as she is on her own.
No, that is not a typo. This BITCH really spent $45,000 g’s on a fugly ass bag and is carrying it around with a go eat shit grin on her face. Being from Houston, Tx, a city that has areas of extreme poverty and violence, you think the BITCH coulda found a way to better spend that money. I am so sick of all these people hording their money for materialistic things when they could be changing peoples lives. For some people, $45,000 could mean a house, college, a car and so much more. Celebrities have the ability to touch so many people, and to draw attention to things people otherwise wouldn’t care about, and they should want to do this simply because they can, not because they are told to or are expected to.
So sorry for the rant, it just drives me crazy when celebs, especially ones I like, make themselves look like selfish BITCHES!
During her visit to Larry King Live, Paris reportedly told Larry off camera how much she enjoys politics and voting. The thing is, the BITCH is dumb! The Scoop reports:
While off camera, King asked Paris Hilton if she votes, according to a source. Oh yes, Hilton responded. When did you last vote, King asked according to the insider, who says that Hilton replied, “Last year.†When King wanted to know which election she voted in, Hilton explained, “Presidential.†“I guess she forgot there was no presidential election last year,†quipped one amused source. “She was too busy reading the Bible.â€
Uhm who else is surprised by this? Not me!!! I’ve been saying this BITCH ain’t got a clue about anything! And if she thinks she voted in the presidential election last year, I want to know who the hell she voted for. I really just shook my head when I read that though, its pretty pathetic that she is over the age of 25 and can’t even figure out presidential elections are only every 4 years. Chalk this one up for another post in the “DUMB BITCH” category.
And for no reason what so ever, here are pictures of the blonde giant herself out stomping around on the beach. Fee-fi-fo-fum I see a BITCH that is really dumb!!! hahaha
Also, after the jump, a funny, user submitted picture of everyone’s favorite Paris Hilton fan!!! (more…)
Honestly, these papz should have their ass beat for following such an unfamous fug BITCH! But this does further prove the fact that Rumer Willis is a complete cunt.
The fact that shirts with Paris Hilton’s face on them already exists is bad enough, but must the BITCH be wearing them herself?
For someone who supposedly found God while in jail she still looks like a materialistic, self centered BITCH to me!!! She is a really sad excuse for a human being, and the fact that she has idol worshippers is SCARY!!! What has she done? NOTHING that distinguishes her as a caring, smart, intelligent person at all. Probably because she is a pirate hooker in rich clothes. If she would have grown up in any other family than the Hilton’s the BITCH would be shopping in the womens Big & Tall department and saving up money to special order shoes in the right size because size 27 women’s shoes are hard to come by, you know???
We all know the BITCH is dumb, but she really proved herself twice over. First was the hand written apology that was filled with spelling errors, and now there is this. What I don’t understand is how BITCHney could spell “role” correctly in the first letter, but on her site she confused it with “roll”. My guess is the BITCH was hungry and thinking about some buttered rolls. But really, thanks BITCHney for such a honktastic day and being a true testament to the schools in this country.
Welcome to the Head Bitch, a hollywood celebrity blog specializing in providing the latest news and gossip, and proving who the top bitch really is while making these celebitches cry.
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