We have been SOOO wrong about Paris Hilton,she isn’t a selfish, rich BITCH who only thinks about herself. She might just be the most generous person, EVER! Like, I can’t even believe what she is going to do, its going to help soooo many people! Human right’s advocate Paris said this about her planned donations that are going to save the world:

“I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I’m going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children’s hospitals. I never wear something twice.”

Wow. It’s just so deep and heart warming that a BITCH with millions and millions of dollars can donate her clothes and shoes to children. I just wanna know where she found kids that can actually fit into her size 11 shoes, because, I ain’t ever seen a kid with feet as long as smart cars.

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Charity worker of the year Paris! Like, they need to make an award, like in her honor, you know? Like, for people who do a lot of good stuff, like opening a mens shelter in their vagina. She is just so honorable, and nice, and good willed that its like embarrassing to be not like her. But not everyone can host up to 30 men in their smelly box like Paris can. Next time you donate some canned goods, think about the people out there like Paris, who just continually sacrifice their vaginas for the good of man kind.

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Paris Hilton might be the best friend ever, if you like friends who will publicly announce that you’re pregnant to a club full of people when you haven’t confirmed it yet. And thats exactly what the BITCH did to Xtina Aguilera, according to Us Magazine:

“Congratulations to the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world, you’re gorgeous,” Hilton, 26, said to the packed crowd, while Aguilera, 26 (whose video ‘Candy Man’ is up for Best Director at the MTV VMAs) sat nearby in uncomfortable silence.

All I can say is smooooth, or should I say, unsmooth-like-your-skanky-vay-jay-jay???

And lets all take a moment to LOL at Paris trying to look coy.

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And it looks like she stole it from some old BITCH!

Personally, I hate it. But I hate this dumb BITCH too so I guess its to be expected. I know if anyone ever tried cutting my hair like that, I would probably stab them in the neck with the scissors, and that would be the RESPONSIBLE thing to do.

Ohh, and I am so glad this BITCH found her blue contacts again, we wouldn’t want anyone to think….gasp!….that her eyes are BROWN!

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Yup, you read that title correctly! Now just try and read it again without tears of laughter running down your face. I can’t think of anyone, besides Britney Spears and Chris Benoit, that would be a worse parent, yet in the new U.K. Elle, Paris is talking about reproducing:

On what people think about her
“I wanna have like a family and a guy. Y’know, it just upsets me because I’m not anything like what people say about me, and this cartoon character that they’ve made of me is just completely false. It makes me mad that I’m such a good person and I’m treated like that by some people, I just don’t get it.”

On how she’s prepping for pregnancy
“I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”

On her future baby daddy
“I used to care about looks, but I’ve grown out of that stage. They have to be a good person, someone I know would be a good husband, loyal and funny and smart. And somebody I can trust, with good chemistry. But I don’t know, I like a guy who can make me laugh.”

I must say, with her being a high school drop out and all, I am actually surprised this BITCH doesn’t have as many kids as she does dogs, but I guess we can count that as a small miracle. Whats amusing though is the fact that she actually believes that she doesn’t act like a grade A slut and blames other people for painting this awful picture of herself, because, you know, its everyone else’s fault that she can’t wear panties and records all of her sexual escapades. I don’t even know how this BITCH says half the shit she says without laughing at herself. Its just ridiculous and pathetic. I mean, this BITCH has more pictures of her crotch than all of the Playboy and Hustler archives combined, yet she still says thats not how she really is??? All I can say is yeahhhhh riiiiiight BITCH, we all knows you are a ho-skee!

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Why, showing of her boobs and dancing of course!!!

I mean, what did you expect me to write? That she graduated summa cum laude from Harvard and discovered the cure for cancer?

And WTF is the deal with her new hair cut? I mean, its nice to see that the horses all got their hair back from her, but now she looks like some trans-gendered farm boy mixed with a big city hooker.

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In the most boring, and dumb story of the day, People.com talked to Kathy Hilton about her daughters imprisonment:

For Kathy Hilton, the toughest part about daughter Paris Hilton’s being in jail – and on the other side of the glass partition that separated them during visits – was “seeing the rashes on her arms and face from the thin sheets.”

For Paris’s homecoming, her mother wished to comfort the Simple Life star, so she set up a room in what, she said, “used to be the baby nursery for the grandchildren at [Paris's grandfather's] house. I had fresh, really soft towels, and really soft sheets and one of those really soft, cuddly [blankets] called ‘my blankey,’ and nice soft pillow cases.”

Kathy Hilton’s rationale, she said, was that Paris – who currently is “spending time with her cousins in Malibu getting ready to go back to work” – had “been in jail, obviously with the very thin sheets and one pillow and one little thin blanket. That’s how [inmates] get rashes. It feels like sandpaper.”

Paris’s reaction to all this softness, says her mother, was that “she went in, and she looked at the Fresh Farms soap, and she looked at the towels and the Evian water by her bedside. I wanted to make her feel really welcome. And we went downstairs and made a sandwich. And she ran outside with her doggie. And she ran, and she was screaming, ‘Oh, this feels so good. I feel so lucky.’ ”

All I can say about this is, I have known lots of people that have been to jail, and not a SINGLE one has ever came out with rashes over their body.

And if I ever looked in my backyard and saw a blonde BITCH the size of Saskwatch running around with a dog and screaming I would shoot first, ask questions later, and I don’t even support gun use!

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And Paris Hilton ain’t changed shit about herself! Here she is going to a party at the Playboy Mansion in her lingerie. Which really, isn’t a big deal, it just reinforces what a dumb slut she is. I am so glad the BITCH went on Larry King boo-hooing about how she is negatively portrayed and talking about doing charity and giving back, because, didn’t you know, the Playboy mansion is in DIRE need of charity. Yup, I know it sounds odd, but really, they need the help from all the dumb, mostly naked sluts they can find! I am glad Paris chose to pick a good cause and really go after it!

What I honestly don’t understand is why she even said all that shit about wanting to build a shelter for women and do charity, and all that jazz. What the BITCH should have said is “I still want to continue on living my pointless, predictable, self centered life and party like a whore constantly!”. At least that would have been being honest.

p.s. dont you just love how this BITCH is so giant that her thigh high stokcings barely cover her knees???

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Is it just me or are these pictures HILARIOUS???

Elisha Cuthebert = normal sized person.

Paris Hilton > normal sized person.

There you go, mathematical proof that Paris is a giant BITCH!

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Literally!!! This BITCH has more BITCHES than a madam at a whore house! And I really love how, instead of adopting an animal from a shelter, she just goes and drops about $3000 each on these fug BITCHES. Because you really think, someone that LOVES animals as much as she claims to would want to rescue animals from impending death at a pound and encourage others to do the same. But nope! That would be way too nice of a thing for this money hungry ego tripping BITCH to consider, and PETA agrees! They sent her this letter in response to her(and BITCHney Spears) new pup purchase:

Dear Paris and Britney,

So, you have popped into a pet store to pick up some more doggie arm candy. Your impulse purchases of dogs encourage others to follow suit, no matter how ill-equipped they are to provide a decade or more of care for a little dog who has feelings and needs and who requires patience, veterinary care, and stimulation other than nightclub music and bar laughter. Also, for every pet store puppy purchased, a pound puppy dies (and a breeder — probably somewhere in Arkansas or Missouri — is rewarded for adding yet another litter to the pet overpopulation crisis). A California bill that would have required most dogs and cats to be spayed or neutered-and therefore would have helped reduce the taxpayer burden for disposing of (killing) homeless animals-was recently defeated by greedy breeders. Perhaps you and other vacuous stars need to tattoo “Don’t buy while pound pups die” on your foreheads to remind each other of that home truth.

Very truly yours,

Ingrid E. Newkirk, President
PETA

Usually I think PETA is a little extreme, mainly because I love meat and leather, but I think they make a VERY good point here.

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Well, we’ve been saying her outlandish whore behavior would catch up with her, but we didn’t think it would happen this soon!!! Hilton’s grandfather, who is basically the money bags of the family, is reportedly so embarrassed by the way Paris Hilton has been slutting it up that he has cut the dumb BITCH out of his will! News.com reports:

Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter’s wild behavior - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.
But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw, a Hilton biographer says.
“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says (a source). “He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.”
Barron Hilton, the only member of the family left with a sizeable stake in the huge hotel chain, has let it be known that he intends to donate the $2.4 billion he will gain from this month’s sale of the company to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, the charity set up in the name of the founder of the family business.

When your own Grandpa thinks you are a dirty whore, you might need to step away from the random cock you are holding and run to church FAST! Unfortunately, I don’t think the money loss will really hurt this BITCH at all, she has made a ton of cash whoring her image out onto everything from sex tapes to hair extensions.

I also vote now that we never call her “Paris the Heiress” ever again, but instead, “Paris the embarrassment” or “Paris - that fucking dirty skank ho who is famous for nothing” and yes, the f word is used as a verb in that last part.

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After a shit-tastic season of The Simple Life on E!, the network has decided NOT to renew the show for another season. Probably because the show was complete shit, and had to have more takes than a Lord of the Rings movie. Last night I was trying to watch the new episode, and even with tivo, it was too hard to watch. The show use to be funny, before Paris thought she was a celebrity and before they started re-shooting scenes, making fake romances and providing scripts.

So congratulations to E! for cutting that BITCH Paris off the air, but too bad Nicole has to be on the sinking ship with her! That BITCH is actually funny.

Oh, and don’t worry Parisites, the show might have a chance of getting picked up by another network, but don’t hold your breath. Actually, please do.

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With Lindsay getting all the paparazzi attention yesterday, that dumb BITCH Paris had to go and try to out whore her so she didn’t feel left out. TMZ reports:

A spy spotted Hilton and Mischa Barton’s grungy ex-boyfriend kissing all over each other at the club last night, with Paris going so far as to give Adler a little lap dance. When she wasn’t getting randy in the crowd, Paris graced the stage with a rendition of “Bette Davis Eyes,” followed by a medley of her hit “Stars are Blind.”

I bet by now you are wondering how Cisco Adler got the nickname long balls Adler, but really, how else do you think he got that nickname(trust me, the link is NSFW)? And seeing how disgusting this guy is, it completely proves the point that Paris Hilton is one dirty slut. And after making people watch her make out with ol’ long balls himself, the BITCH decided to sing her music?!? I bet the people inside the club were gouging their eyes out with forks at the same time they were stuffing their ears with bread rolls.

NSFW pic of Long Balls himself after the jump!

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I guess Paris is short on friends these days, and told the London Sun, in reference to Victoria Beckham a.k.a. Posh:

“I just know Victoria and I would get along. We could be soul mates.”

But the wonderfully BITCHY Posh said:

“Over my dead body! We couldn’t be more different. You won’t catch me falling out of nightclubs with no knickers on.”

What I think she meant by that was that you want catch her acting like a drunken slut flashing her crotch to the papz. Paris has been out of jail for a month-ish time, and already we have new nip slips and panty flashes, so you stupid people who believe its an accident need to wake up and realize she does it on PURPOSE because she is an attention whore!

And Posh was definitely right on one aspect of them being more different, Hilton’s show the Simply Life actually has rating and more than one episode. Not that I am hating on Posh’s show, I actually thought it was pretty funny and I LOVED her sense of humor!!! And with ratings or not, at least it didn’t come with a script, multiple takes and a fake romance like the Simple Life. Plus, who really cares about rating when its made up of 12-14 year old girl sluts in training and old pervs????

See who Posh is going to have to deal with now for saying that about Paris, and the unedited picture above after the jump!!!!!

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Supposedly Paris Hilton is trying to take this music thing serious, which is kind of funny if you ask me because she got dropped from her last record label after her album pushed a measly 77,000 copies, which means there are 77,000 people in America who are complete mentals. I would have rather burned my money than spent in on that shit cd. Here is what Paris had to say to E! about her latest album:

“I’m already working on my new record. I’ve been in meetings with Scott [Storch] and we’ve been working on it. I’ve been working on it with Scott for a few weeks.”

I like how this BITCH tries to convince us that by working with Scott Storch her album will be good. Scott Storch is a beat maker, not a sorcerer or wizard that can magically make an album not suck. If you forgot, he also did Brooke Hogan’s album, proving he will work with anyone that can pay for a beat. I expect it will have lots of good production ruined by shitty lyrics and off key singing.

Also, after the jump, a picture of Paris’ number one fanstalker!!!! If you leave comments regularly you are going to LOVE this!!!

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During her visit to Larry King Live, Paris reportedly told Larry off camera how much she enjoys politics and voting. The thing is, the BITCH is dumb! The Scoop reports:

While off camera, King asked Paris Hilton if she votes, according to a source. Oh yes, Hilton responded. When did you last vote, King asked according to the insider, who says that Hilton replied, “Last year.” When King wanted to know which election she voted in, Hilton explained, “Presidential.” “I guess she forgot there was no presidential election last year,” quipped one amused source. “She was too busy reading the Bible.”

Uhm who else is surprised by this? Not me!!! I’ve been saying this BITCH ain’t got a clue about anything! And if she thinks she voted in the presidential election last year, I want to know who the hell she voted for. I really just shook my head when I read that though, its pretty pathetic that she is over the age of 25 and can’t even figure out presidential elections are only every 4 years. Chalk this one up for another post in the “DUMB BITCH” category.

And for no reason what so ever, here are pictures of the blonde giant herself out stomping around on the beach. Fee-fi-fo-fum I see a BITCH that is really dumb!!! hahaha

Also, after the jump, a funny, user submitted picture of everyone’s favorite Paris Hilton fan!!!
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Well I always knew you can’t teach a BITCH new tricks, and Paris just further proves that. The BITCH was up to her old antics of “accidentally on purpose” letting her tits fall out. Which is actually pretty funny considering the fact she barely even has tits. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the whore side came out again.

But this is when I take a moment and laugh at all her fans that talked about how much jail “changed” her, because guess what??? The BITCH is still the same whore we all know and hate! And speaking of how “changed” she is, who has heard her mention her house for convicts??? I sure haven’t!! But that is typically of a rich BITCH party slut!

Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunate at the same time, I don’t have the NSFW images yet, but I am sure those will be out soon!

UPDATE: Here are all the NSFW pics! I must say, I am quite distraught, I have never seen nipples that look that much like beef jerky before. I mean, how does that even happen? It looks like a raw hide chew toy for a dog or something.

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The LA Sheriffs department started an internal investigation into how Paris “The Herp” Hilton got treated while she was in jail. If you thought Paris was doing real jail time just like a “regular” person, you must be one dumb BITCH! In fact, if you really thought that she had to rough it, you are actually more dumb than she is! The LA Times reports:

The department union, which has repeatedly clashed with Sheriff Lee Baca, said deputies have come forward to complain that Hilton had free access to a cellphone while other prisoners must wait in line to use pay phones during set hours.
Hilton also received daily visits from top brass at the Lynwood facility — including a captain who hand-delivered her mail — in contrast to others who get letters brought to them by inmate trusties, they said.
And officials were allegedly ordered to give her a new jail uniform while many inmates use recycled ones.
Two sheriff’s officials — who spoke on condition of anonymity — confirmed those details of her incarceration.

Her first visit to jail sounded like it was just a visit to a bad summer camp, so I vote we send the BITCH back to jail so she can get an idea of what jail is REALLY like. I don’t mind spending tax money on keeping her in jail! In fact, I think it might be the best use of citizens tax money in a long ass time.

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The fact that shirts with Paris Hilton’s face on them already exists is bad enough, but must the BITCH be wearing them herself?

For someone who supposedly found God while in jail she still looks like a materialistic, self centered BITCH to me!!! She is a really sad excuse for a human being, and the fact that she has idol worshippers is SCARY!!! What has she done? NOTHING that distinguishes her as a caring, smart, intelligent person at all. Probably because she is a pirate hooker in rich clothes. If she would have grown up in any other family than the Hilton’s the BITCH would be shopping in the womens Big & Tall department and saving up money to special order shoes in the right size because size 27 women’s shoes are hard to come by, you know???

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Do you all remember that womens housing Paris was going to build for people recently released from jail????? Well, this has NOTHING to do with that, probably because the BITCH hasn’t mentioned it since her interview, but what she did do since her interview was go to the bars, dance on the couches and smoke some greenery, Page Six and People report:

“Paris was super happy and full of smiles,” says one clubgoer. “She was laughing, having fun, drinking, dancing, singing along to songs, talking to everyone and hugging all the girls at her table.”

“She took a huge puff off of a joint, then opened the door and exhaled the pot smoke basically in my face,”

Was anyone surprised reading this? I know I wasn’t!!! But what did surprise me is her giant, stuffed cleavage. We all saw pics of the BITCH in Hawaii, and to put it kindly….THE BITCH IS FLAT!!! So she must have a super-gravity-defying-boob-creating bra ever.

I would also like to point out the fact that her nose job turned out nicely, its so much more BITCH instead of WITCH now. I can’t say the same about those fug ass lace gloves she is wearing.

And in even more SHOCKING news Paris has officially spread herpes to the world!!! I knew we shouldn’t have let the BITCH go to Hawaii!!! Read Here…

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