And its definitely not rehab!!! Lohan was spotted training for, believe it or not, another movie role. And while this BITCH might be a train wreck in action, she somehow manages to look stunning. But I guess when you are doing so much coke you don’t have to sleep you have some extra time to get ready.

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In a not so surprising statement to Access Hollywood, druggie BITCH Lohan said this via email message:

“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”

Since this BITCH absolutely makes no sense at all, its pretty amusing. Because I know, when I am heading out on a car chase of someone who supposedly nearly ran me over, I like to hold my friends coke in my pocket for good luck. And drink lots of booze first. And then for extra luck, I usually put my coke my friends coke in my nose, because I am just SUCH a good friend fiend.

And just in case you were wondering, YES, that picture is of Lindsay the night of her DUI.

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Lindsay Lohan might be in rehab for now, but her approaching court date could get her sent to county lockdown. Since she is facing so many charges, I made this lovely list for you to see them all:

2 DUI’s, one from last night and one from her previous accident.
2 charges of possession of a narcotic(cocaine), one from this accident and one from the time before.
1 count of transporting cocaine into a custodial facility(i.e. the dumb BITCH brought cocaine to jail)
1 count of driving on a suspended license
1 count of underaged drinking
1 count of fleeing the scene of an accident

If found guilty, she could face up to six years in jail, but this is Hollywood BITCHES! She will probably only get court ordered to rehab, and get the rest dismissed for time served, even though she was only in jail for an hour.

UPDATE: THE INSIDER IS REPORTING THAT LINDSAY DID NOT CHECK INTO REHAB TODAY BUT IS IN LOS ANGELES So who knows what the truth is, I will keep you updated as I hear random news about it!

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When I woke up smiling this morning, I knew it was going to be a good day, but I didn’t know it was going to be THIS good!

Our favorite party BITCH Lindsay Lohan, who we thought was reforming, got caught up in quite the booze and drug scandal. It all started when her assistant quit during the night and asked her mom to come pick her up. When the defunct assistant’s mom arrived and picked her up, a chase ensued with Lindsay herself tailing their Escalade in a Denali. The mom called 911 and said they were being chased and were on their way to the police station. The police got to them first however, and conducted a field sobriety test, including walking in a line, which she failed. Later, a breath test was given to drunk BITCH Lohan who failed with a miserable .12-.13 blood alcohol level. The icing on the cake was the cocaine they discovered in her pocket when booking the dumb BITCH. She was released on bond this morning, and I am sure she is getting fucked up already!! Speaking of being released on bond, amazing how a white BITCH gets out of jail after chasing people while being drunk and coked up, and in possession of coke, yet Lil Wayne and Ja Rule were both in jail longer than this BITCH. Oh, and the cops had to be called to catch a drunk coke maniac driving down the street after someone, but somehow new york cops can just spot concealed weapons from a mile away, its really amazing! (I wish you could see me rolling my eyes)

But what I want to know why the hell she was fake wearing the alcohol bracelet? I knew that damn thing didn’t have any batteries in it! I am really disappointed, not because she is a drugger, but because she is a big fake BITCH! She has also officially lowered herself to Paris Hilton standards. She needs to really get her shit together, you can tell in her mug shot she is starting to get a coke nose, much more snorting and she will be looking like Michael Jackson. And can someone please tell me why this dumb BITCH thought it was a good idea to just be rolling with coke in her pocket??? Ever hear of a hiding spot? Or ditching it before you get checked in? Or what about having a patsy to take your fall for you? My guess is the BITCH was too coked up and forgot it was there, because otherwise she woulda been snorting it off the hood of her car while she was being handcuffed.

And, yeah, this totally disproves my theory that rehab does a body good from yesterday, because apparently in Hollywood COCAINE does the body good.

p.s. check out this BITCH’s eyes in her mugshot, if her pupils got any more dilated she would be looking like Wilma from The Flintstones!

UPDATE: THE BITCH HAS CHECKED INTO A **NEW** REHAB CENTER!!! and here lawyer issued this statement:

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Lindsay Lohan was busy getting her tan on, and might I say that the BITCH is looking quite fantastic. I don’t know if it was the coke or the booze that was ruining her body, but thank god she is off of it.

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Party BITCH Lohan was forced to deal with her pending legal troubles last night, when she turned herself in for a DUI and a hit and run stemming from a car accident. Luckily for Lohan she was released on $30,000 bail and there is no jail time…yet! TMZ reports:

Lohan was charged with driving with a blood alcohol level greater than .08 and misdemeanor hit and run, this according to the Beverly Hills PD… The actress was released on her own recognizance, routine for a first time DUI offense. For now, Lohan is scheduled to be back in court on August 24.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, the latest movie that she was suppose to star in is falling apart before it can even really get started. Movie sponsors Dell and GM received memos talking about the movie and Lohan’s Vegas behavior. The memo reads:

‘Poor Things’ has been cancelled

Sorry to be the harbinger of bad news, but I just received a call from Jacky Gilardi, the producer, pulling the plug on the ill-fated film.

Apparently, Ms. Lohan’s antics in Las Vegas over the weekend have scared the bond companies and all of the funding has been pulled … I look forward to working together in the future and trust our next project will not be as fraught with difficulty.

I don’t know if I am going through some weird changes, but I actually feel bad for her somewhat. I mean, she seems like she is trying hard to get her shit back together but I think she might be pulling the wool over my eyes. However, lets hope she mans up and deals with her legal matter with dignity and pride, unlike that crybaby BITCH Hilton. She should definitely be getting some punishment soon, I think it will only be probation and maybe rehab. But they might give the BITCH a break since she has been in rehab pretty much everyday since the car accident.

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Page Six printed a not so blind item today, so lets see if y’all can guess who it is:

Which hard-partying starlet has figured out a way to get high while wearing an alcohol-monitoring anklet? She was asking where she could score some Ecstasy at a Vegas club the other night…

Hmm if that wasn’t obvious enough my BITCH nuggets, maybe these photo’s will help a little bit. And if you still don’t know who it is after this, GTFO right now.

As much as I love posting stories about coke binges and car crashes, I really hope this isn’t true. She needs to get her shit together, and until I heard this I thought the BITCH was doing great, but maybe not….

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Lohan is taking this sober thing very seriously!!! She was caught partying at Pure with a SCRAM on her ankle, to prove that she is staying sober as she returns to daily life outside of rehab. A SCRAM will detect anytime any alcohol is being consumed, even in the smallest amounts. To top things off, it was her CHOICE to wear ut1

I am going to go out on a limb here and risk looking like an asshole, but I really do think Lindsay Lohan is trying very hard to fix her ways and that is pretty admirable. I think she is going to stick with it, unlike most celeb rehabbers.

But really, BITCH nuggets, lets send her our best wishes! Even if its only because she looks much hotter when she is off the booze and coke.

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Rumor is that one of Lindsay Lohan’s supposed friends gave Star magazine access to their account and they discovered stories about Lindsay’s lesbian romance. Some stars that do have access to Lohans private myspace include her sister Alli, Nicole Richie and of course, her rumored lover DJ Samantha Ronson. Gatecrasher reports:

“Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die. … I want to marry you and have children with you.”

Apparently Lindsay isn’t fussy about who changes her name.

“Go to bed babe,” she wrote to her pal late one night.

“I love you. - [signed] Lindsay Ronson.”

Uhm, we all know Lohan is one dumb BITCH, but I really hope she realizes that the whole idea of wanting to have children with another woman ain’t gonna happen!!! And with our dumb ass government wanting to constitutionally ban gay marriage she shouldn’t hold her breathe until her wedding day!!!

But really, if Lindsay is lez, bi or straight shouldn’t matter, but she SHOULD get a hotter girlfriend!!!

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Since the stories today have pretty much been crappy and boring, I will post these pictures of Lindsay Lohan celebrating the fourth at a beach house. My guess is that she is confused and thinks all the sand is blow and probably believes she is throwing the best party ever. But really who cares what the BITCH thinks, she is standing around in a bikini and short shorts!!! She could be contemplating the atomic structure of a medicine that will cure cancer and no one would care because they would be staring at her jugs, which I still believe are real…real fake.

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Lindsay was spotted celebrating her 21st at a beach house with her mom Dina, and friends DJ AM, Samantha Ronson and boy toy Callum Best. Supposedly there was no alcohol or drugs served up for the newly legal BITCH, and she did leave at 2:15 AM to go back to Promises rehab center. Speaking of Promises, I have some serious doubts about how legit that place can be… what place releases a patient to go have a beach party with friends who have been video’d snorting coke off of prostitutes??? Because we all know how helpful it is to a rehab program to return to the same friends and same lifestyle BEFORE you even complete your rehab stint.

But we will cut the BITCH some slack, she has been in rehab ever since she committed her felonies, and is moving out of her party apartment, which is definitely steps in the right way. And besides her weirdly shaped hips, she is looking fantastic, and I love the BITCH’s hair!!!!

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Let me be the first to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH! Lindsay is finally legal, but I don’t think it matters what age you are, cocaine still aint legal! Hopefully for her, that lifestyle really is behind her, but only time will tell. She has reportedly moved out of the Sierra Towers in LA because the wild lifestyle associated with living there, which is definitely a step in the right direction and she stayed in rehab longer than any recent celebrity, so she seems pretty committed. And since its her birthday, I’ll be nice…unless she does something BITCHtastic!

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Drunk and coked up! To be specific, she was almost double the legal limit and coke was in her system. But is anyone surprised, you don’t get the nickname Lindsay BLOWhan because you like blowing bubbles! I mean she ran a $180,000 car up on the curb and then ran from the scene, I didn’t need a toxicology report to tell me that the BITCH was on coke. What I do need is a lawyer to tell me how much trouble this BITCH is going to be in! Maybe the judge will give her time served for her rehab stay so far….I doubt it though!

And for the people who asked whats in her nose in this pic, its a rolled up dollar bill making due as a coke straw!

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Despite rumors and promotion of a wild Las Vegas 21st birthday party Lindsay BLOWan has decided to extend her stay at the Promises treatment center and forgo her birthday bash. It is reported that she has decided to stay, and see if Lindsay Lohan will come back and replace the junkie monster that has taken over her body. Bad news is that if the junkie monster isn’t out by her 21st bday she will be forced to live the life of a wild drug/sex addict and hang out with shitty deejays forever!!!

If she is really taking things as seriously as it seems then she is back on the road to recovery and I really hope her the best in getting things sorted out! If not, I am going to have to really work on better insults…I dont know how long junkie monster can work for me.

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Considering she has wrecked her car while all hopped up on cocaine and been in rehab twice now, we should all know that the BITCH is out of control. Her former bodyguard adds fuel to the fire though with comments he made to News of the World about her partying habits:

“I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is. She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I’ve met.”

“In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she’d go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around.

His first job was to take her to a party in Beverly Hills. “She’d been snorting all night,” he recalls. “As soon as they walked into the party she was snorting more.”

“She got on the coffee table and danced, flinging her dress above her head, her eyes rolling about all over the place.”

“I told the guy providing the drugs to stop and he just said, ‘No way, Lindsay will go berserk’. Then she started screaming at people and swinging her fists around at anyone near her.

“At the start of the night she seemed such a fun-loving, angelic girl but under the influence of drugs she was psychotic. It was 10.30am the next day by the time I carried her to bed.”

One night Lindsay and Nicole were making trip after trip to the bathroom — she wouldn’t snort in front of me because she knew I’d get mad.

“But the more wasted they got the less she cared. In the end they carried in a mirror from the bedroom, laid it on the coffee table and emptied a mountain of coke onto it. They went at the stuff with straws, hoovering it all up then piling more on.

“I tried to tell Lindsay to stop but she just told me it was cool. After ten hours I’d had enough and threatened to throw the mirror out of the window. I had to carry her out to the car.”

“She used boys for drugs and girls for thrills,” says Lee. “I lost count of the women she took back to her hotel room from clubs.

“I even saw her try to grope Mariah Carey’s bottom and boobs one night as they danced. One time I went to look for her in a club bathroom and found her in the corner French-kissing a girl.”

“One night I looked at her hands and wrists and noticed they had bright red wounds all over them,” says Lee.

“She tried to tell me she had fallen but when I looked her in the eyes and demanded to know the truth she just broke down.

“She told me, ‘I don’t belong on this planet any more’. She said she cut herself because she did not think life was worth living.

Lindsay sure knows how to party: lesbian drug binges, suicide attempts and beating down coke dealers! This BITCH is wild! You almost feel bad for her, until you realize that she is too dumb to hire a driver and make her body guards sign confidentiality statements!!

I can’t wait till the lesbian pictures surface! Its gonna be hot BITCHES!

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It has been confirmed that Lindsay Blowhan’s lesbian knife partner from these pictures is none other than Vanessa Minnillo, you know, Nick Lachey’s main BITCH! I am sure he is not going to be pleased with these though, mainly because he is like really old and really, really boring. It makes you wonder if she parties Blowhan style with coke and pills….I bet she does!!

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These pictures, taken between her visits to rehab only prove that Lindsay Blowhan is just as out of control as we all thought! With rampant rumors of lesbian lovers and self injury however, these pictures do look awfully incriminating. Let’s hope the ladies at least used the saran wrap technique, because we all know Lohan likes to get around.

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DAMN!!! That car got fucked up! I like how Lindsay Blowhans first reaction was to run out of the car, you know, instead of backing it off the sidewalk like any person with two brain cells would do. But in her coked up state she probably thought she was parked in front of the 4 seasons or at her dealers house. The real issue I have with this video isn’t with the crazy coked up BITCH behind the wheel driving, its her loser ass friends! No wonder her life, and career, are both going down the drain. I think Paris Hilton was a better influence on her than these scummy looking fake emo’s.

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I guess this is about as close to understanding irony Lindsay Blowhan will ever get.

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I guess when you are a firecrotch you shouldn’t be a slut also because then everyone, including Marilyn Manson will make fun of it forever!!!

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