Somewhat popular Lily Allen was arrested, and promptly bailed, out of jail yesterday when she turned herself in for an assault in March. Who, you ask, did this stumpy little girl assault??? A paparazzi, and from pics it looks like she took advice from a cheerleader, and proceeded with the kick in the face method. I use to think “kick to the face” was not a realistic method of random fights, but apparently it works so well that a 21 year old female can beat down a 40 year old man with a camera. Good to know, good to know…

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The blog whore herself, Lily Allen updated her myspace with this:
Sorry
Current mood: Better

Hi guys , I’m sorry if I worried anyone with the blog I wrote yesterday . I was feeling pretty sorry for myself , I’ve been reading all your comments and they have made me realise there is more to life than being thin ! So thank you . I think I was just having a hard time last week . After reading cheryl tweedys comments branding me a “chick with a dick”. I was feeling pretty low and aswell as that, some of you might know I launched my clothing line for new look last tuesday , and seeing my picture in so many newspapers next to kate moss’ , made me feel grotesque momentarily . I know its a silly way to feel and I am incredibly proud of myself and my achievements over the past year, there are so many good things about my life . I really am incredibly lucky . I guess it shows how much of an effect the media can have on us young ladies . As for the amy winehouse bit , someone sent me a link to a picture blog where there were some paparazzi shots of my brother and I , and there were hundreds of comments from mean sad people , saying I was a fat ugly bitch and how much better amy is than I . Usually I ignore these things , but in my heightened emotional state I let them get the better of me . My mum has come out here to keep me company and I feel much better now , I sha’nt be getting any surgery , instead I will be eating lots of bread and pasta and thinking about what to write about for the next album . I really am touched and was quite surprised at the reaction the blog received and it definitely has restored my faith in humanity .

I know I’ve said bad things about people in the past , though the majority of them have been blown wayyyy out of proportion , but this i mean
Cheryl if you’re reading this , I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune . I must say taking your clothes off , doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying , your mother must be so proud , stupid bitch .”

LAME. LAME. LAME. It is almost as lame as the first one, and it’s just ANOTHER attempt at more attention.

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Lily Allen was probably sitting in her hotel eating donuts and ice cream while writing this on her myspace blog:

fat , ugly and shitter than winehouse

that is all i am , im on my own in america again . I used to pride myself on being strong minded and not being some stupid girl obsessed with the way I look . I felt like it didnt matter if I was a bit chubby cause , im not a model , I’m a singer . Im afraid I am not strong and have fallen victim to the evil machine . I write to you in a sea of tears from my hotel bed in Seattle , I have spent the past hour researching gastric bypass surgery , and laser lipo suction .

I cant say I disagree with the Amy Winehouse thing, but I dont think the BITCH needs gastric bypass, she just needs to jog behind the bus to each of her shows!

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I can just tell these things, plus the cigarette, dingy dress and sneakers are all give aways of a proper lady.

But for real, someone find a shower quick, this BITCH looks like she needs to be held down and scrubbed clean! EWW also to her nasty sausage legs! It looks like she is walking around on tree stumps!

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Okay, I use to like this girl. But after she canceled her US shows via myspace, I just have no respect. If you cant handle the fame in America, go home BITCH! Here is what she said:

“I am tired, but more than that I don’t think I have been giving my best performances recently.”

“I have been getting really drunk because I’ve been so nervous about doing bad shows, and I don’t want people spending money on going to see a show that isn’t the best it could be.”

“I thought that being a popstar meant going out getting trashed with famous people and sleeping in all day, the fact that this is not true has come as a huge disappointment to me.”

LAME BITCH!

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