Whats could be worse than being Britney Spears’s exhusband?

BEING HER FAT EXHUSBAND!

It must be all that staying at home and looking after the kids thats putting the weight on…or maybe the weight gain is the result of stress eating because he is married to the craziest bitch in hollywood! He should SUE her for making him get fat!

Thanks to WWTDD for the lovely, already created so my lazy ass didn’t have to do it, before and pics of the fatty.

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We all knew things had been going too smoothly for BITCHney the last couple of days, but don’t fret! The mayhem in her life is back and she is effing up as usual! TMZ reports:

“We’ve learned Brit did not provide the drug testing people with contact information so they could reach her to facilitate the random tests, and that is what triggered Commish Gordon’s action.”

Hmmm….I wonder…WHY would Spears not want to have random drug testings done????

BECAUSE THE BITCH CAN ONLY STAY SOBER FOR A DRUG TEST FOR A FEW DAYS AT A TIME!

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Today BITCHney attended a court hearing that she requested to try and get overnight visits with her two children, with the stipulation that her mother could serve as her court appointed monitor. The judge felt inclined to give her more visitation time and is allowing her one night of supervised visits a week. It’s not yet been decided who will be the monitor, but I am sure it won’t be long till we find out if its BITCHney’s mom or someone from the state.

And, I guess with so much important shit going on today, the bitch forgot to put her panties on, and decided to go flashing her kitty cat to the world. Again. So yeah, click for the NSFW image of her gine-steen.

(more…)

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Today a judge rewarded Kevin Federline 100% custody, for an indefinate period of time, as a result of BITCHney’s recent legal matters including a hit and run, and driving without a valid license. She was ordered to turn her two boys over to Kfed by Wednesday at the latest, and she still must follow a previous ruling stating she must attend parenting classes, take biweekly drug test and seek therapy for parenting issues. TMZ reports:

Judge Gordon had ordered Spears to undergo random drug testing and take parenting classes. Sources say Federline’s powerhouse lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, raised the issue that Spears was driving without a valid California driver’s license … Spears took the kids to the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. at 12:02 this afternoon and surrendered the kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard three minutes later.

Since she has a valid license in her home state of Louisiana I think its crappy that THIS would be the thing to make her lose custody. So what she never went and took a new picture at a California DMV? It doesn’t change how she drives. Plus she has been pulled over and investigated several times but no one ever called her out on this before. If anything, they should be focusing on her weird ass behavior, not something as minute as that. Although, its pretty dumb she didn’t make the effort to switch her license when she moved, its really not that hard to do, if you have more than three brain cells.

But on the real, I predict this bitch is inching closer to “rock bottom”.

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In almost those exact words! The details of the court rulings were released, and People magazine seems to have summed it up nicely:

Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline may not consume alcohol or non-prescription controlled substances at least 12 hours prior to being with their children.
Spears was ordered to meet with a “parenting coach” at least twice a week for a total of eight hours, according to court documents released Tuesday.
“The parenting coach is to observe (Spears’s) interaction with the minor children and her parenting skills,” the Commissioner wrote. The coach will provide lawyers on both sides with written reports, and will appear in court at the ex-couple’s next hearing on Nov. 26.
Both Spears, 25, and Federline, 29, have also been ordered to complete a program called “Parenting Without Conflict,” and must enroll by the end of the week. They must attend joint co-parenting counseling, and both sides must decide on selection of a therapist by week’s end.
The commissioner also ruled that both sides are not allowed to use corporal punishment on the kids, and must refrain from making “derogatory remarks” about each other and their families.

I think this judge did a pretty good job of attempting to fix all the problems he could, but it reminds me of a saying I have heard before, “You can’t fix crazy”, and Spears is obviously crazy, because, right after getting this ruling, the BITCH went out partying at two different night clubs! I guess she really knows how to take a hint. And just for fun, here is video of the best mom ever, leaving a nightclub.

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We have joked, and joked about the day BITCHney would lose her kids because of her constant bizarre behavior, but it looks like today is the day. Not only has she lost her manager and her lawyer in the past three days, now Kevin Federline has received temporary full custody of the two boys. Fox News reports:

Commissioner Scott Gordon will order the boys, 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James, turned over to Federline based on information that Los Angeles Family Court received over the weekend about Spears, the sources told FOXNews.com. During Monday’s custody hearing, Spears’ former bodyguard accused the pop star of having “issues of nudity and drug use” since she returned from rehab.

As funny as I could probably make this sound, it would take entirely too much work. This situation is just sad, sad, sad. Lets just hope this is the wake up call she needed, and after this is resolved, hopefully she can move forward and stop being so damn crazy.

Also, nudity shouldn’t really be counted against her as a parent. Plenty of kids are raised in clothing optional families and turn out fine. And NOOOO, I haven’t gone soft on BITCHney, I just think her kids safety should be judged on craziness not nudity.

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So BITCHney and Kfed were due in court today, and all kinds of shit is hitting the fan! Not only did BITCHney’s lawyer file paperwork to separate herself from the walking train wreck. Spears is expected to replace her with celeb lawyer Marci Levine.

Also causing drama was the revelation of the secret witness, who is none other than Fat Tony, and, as suspected, he is a former body guard to Spears and was fired last spring. And whether or not he is called in to testify today, his lawyer, Gloria Allred plans to hold a press conference addressing who he is and what he plans to say!

Team Kevin all day!!!

And stay tuned for updates!

UPDATE #1: Gloria Allred held her press conference today, and said Tony Baretto (Fat Tony) submitted a declaration to the court, which contained allegations of nudity, drug use and safety concerns AFTER BITCHney went to rehab. And even though Baretto was not called to testify by either parties, Allred says her clients claims were “unrefuted and unchallenged”.

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We all know the BITCH is crazy, but has she just taken it to a level of crazy none of us knew she had in her? ET, who is VERY credible is reporting this:

ET has several reliable sources that the FBI and LAPD are investigating legitimate leads on a contract hit on KEVIN FEDERLINE’s life.

Multiple sources tell ET that the FBI made attempts to contact Federline to inform him of the potential danger.

Sources within the FBI tell ET that this is the bureau’s standard operating procedure when someone’s life is threatened.

ET has been working this story for the past two months. When contacted, the FBI told us that the bureau cannot confirm or deny an investigation.

I really, REALLY hope this is all true, and that BITCHney has a hitman receipt in her purse.

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While BITCHney was in Vegas partying up and getting ready for her suck ass “dance” routine at the VMA’s by boozing, Kfed was actually being, well, a good parent. Literally while BITCHney was drunk, grinding, jiggling and tottering around in awkward stiletto boots and a stripper ensemble while lip syncing Kfed was throwing a birthday party for his sons, Jayden turns 1 Wednesday and Sean turns 2 Friday. And even grandparents Lynne and Jamie Spears attended the “Cars” themed party, something BITCHney would certainly frown upon. I just wonder if she will ever realize that partying in Vegas and flashing your crotch is definitely NOT worth missing your kids birthday party.

Oh, an apparently this picture is suppose to be important because Kfed has a mini-mohawk. But I heard, just the gays wear their hair like that…..I JOKE!!!! But really, that was the rumor in Texas.

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Well the BITCHney-KFed custody battle began today, and as anyone could expect, shits already hitting the fan! Kevin Federline’s lawyer attempted to bring in a secret witness, who supposedly worked with her after she left rehab, but the judge said they could only consider the witness if he would reveal his identity and file a written declaration. Gloria Allred, who represents the secret witness, had this to say about BITCHney’s lawyers negative response to the yet identified man:

“It appears we hit a raw nerve with Miss Wasser, Britney Spears’ attorney. We think she would like to prevent our client from testifying. Perhaps she has a sense of what he might say.”

I wonder who this secret witness could be? One of her manny’s??? Or Larry Rudolph? And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why BITCHney’s lawyer wouldn’t want any other witnesses to have to testify. BITCHney’s case is already looking bad enough, they don’t need anymore witnesses lining up to testify against her!

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In the original divorce settlement KFed and BITCHney were going to be sharing joint custody of the kids, but her recent behaviors have supposedly led KFed to seek full custody. The Scoop reports:

Spears was recently spotted driving with her younger son Jayden facing forward in his car seat, not backward as federal guidelines require. And earlier this month, he was photographed grabbing his mother’s cigarettes. On July 18, she stripped to her skivvies on a beach in front of photographers and reports of bizarre behavior at an OK! magazine shoot have friends seriously worried about the Toxic singer. Spears wants K-Fed to sign a joint custody agreement, but he’s reportedly refused. “Kevin is convinced she’s not fit to raise the kids,” an insider told the mag. “He’s done tolerating her behavior and is gearing up to fight for full custody.”

I say give him a shot! I mean, it’s not like he can do any worse than running around in his drawers in front of the papz while screaming out obscenities and chain smoking/eating. And maybe then the BITCH could go get the serious treatment that she very clearly needs. But I highly doubt it, she seems content with her title of “Queen BITCHney - ruler of all thats trashy”.

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BITCHney’s role model like behavior of going to bars, drinking booze, and flashing her privates(its a very vicious cycle) might be catching up to her sooner than she like. Kevin Federline, currently better known as the good parent, is refusing to sign the divorce papers that would give BITCHney joint custody of the kids. A source tells People magazine:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

Just when you think BITCHney has almost got her shit together…pfft who am I fooling??? No one has ever thought she was close to getting her shit back together, not yet at least.

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OOOhhhh got to love these juicy gossip mills! If this is true, Kfed is going to have more kids than albums sold! Star Magazine reports:

“Shar wants to tell Kevin, but she keeps getting cold feet! She’s really scared of what he’ll say – if he’ll be excited or furious. She said, ‘What if he doesn’t want another kid?’ After all with her two, and Brit’s two, he’s got his hands full already! It would be Shar’s dream for them to get married and have another baby. She’d love to be living the family life with Kevin.”

What the hell is wrong with that BITCH though?? He left you for Honky Spears while you were pregnant!!! Why would you ever go back to that? Get some self respect and birth control! I mean, why is she letting this guy have wiener free stick ins??? Thats how you get knocked up!

UPDATE: Shar is denying all this, saying “It is not even remotely true.” …but I still kind of believe it! People always lie about being preggers!!!

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When Kfed heard about Britney’s new boyfriend, Howie Day, he could only laugh:

“When Kevin heard they had a sleepover at her house, everyone wanted to know about it. He lit up a cigarette and said he guessed you have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab.”

Sad to admit but he is right.

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And like I said before, anyone photographed with Paris means they have slept together! You know these two totally got it on in Sin City! She probably did it to get back at Britney for taking all the crotch shot glory from her!

Also, BITCHES should go to a better bar, Tao totally sucks and is lame.

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This BITCH just cannot catch a break! Her Malibu mansion which she shared with Kfed was originally posted for sale at $13.5 million has already been dropped to $11.9 million, with no takers in sight still.

Living in that house would be like living in the house Norman Bates lived in, you would just know some f’d up stuff went on in that house…like, here is where Britney conceived baby 2, while still pregnant with baby 1 as the realtor is pointing to the stove.

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MSNBC is reporting that Britney has sealed the deal on the divorce, and Kevin is making out like a bandit! Here is what he supposedly will get:

- A 2004 pre-nup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Spears upped that figure to $500,000 to speed up the negotiations.
- He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is on the market for $13.5 million.
- $25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple’s two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
- Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
- He’s forbidden from writing a tell-all about their marriage.

Britney was also quoted by Star magazine as saying:

“You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but thank you for my babies.”

That BITCH is a BABY MONGER!

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