Jessica Alba must be the worst person to be around, because that bitch is always frowning and looking cunty.  Even in these pics where she is getting her nails done, she still looks half a second away from stomping around and tearing shit up Godzilla style.  Alba needs to lighten up stat, all those bad vibes are going to create one maniacal baby.  Plus, what baby wants to looking into that piehole of despair she has been calling a face???  And its definitely not that she has a fug face, she just fugs it up with all her pouting and pissy antics.

And if its the papz pissing her off, the bitch needs to move to Montana, it would be a pretty win win situation.  She would be paparazzi-free, and we wouldn’t have to see her just-sucked-on-a-lemon bitch face.  But that will never happen, because ALL these celebs are full of shit when it comes to the papz.  They could easily avoid the papz by moving to low key areas (Tom Cruise did!) but they all choose to gather in a cluster fuck we call Hollywood, that also happens to be filled with papz.  Does it make since to you???   Its like moving to Mexico and bitching when you get there that people speak spanish!

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And all the men in the world must be super depressed. And to all those bullshitters who talk about pregnancy being the greatest experience, blah blah blah, just see above picture for proof that pregnancy is about as much fun as ripping off toe nails very slowly. All it did to Alba was make her soft looking and food crazed, as she blogged about being a hungry baby bus on her myspace:

“Every day I have eaten ham and cheese sandwiches, I can’t get enough of them. Wish they had these back in the states, the bread is amazing. My tummy is getting bigger by the second and the little one must like the food too because it is moving and kicking like crazy. ITS THE BEST.”

Ham sangwiches make me barf. And have you ever noticed how much more fun of a word sandwich becomes when you replace the d with a g??? Try it, its much better than actually eating a ham sangwich!!!

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Jessica “The Boringest Bitch” Alba did a spread in Latina Magazine, and while the hotness factor is way, way down, the cool meter is going through the roof.  Maybe its because I like scary movies….or maybe because I wouldn’t mind seeing Alba getting diced up Psycho style for reals.  Okay, I keed, I don’t really hope she gets diced up, and in fact, I am not even sure that someone could easily dice up another person, especially in the shower, with all the water and blood, you would just keep dropping the knife, then you would get shampoo in your eyes and be all like “AHHHH shampoo is in my eyezzzz” and there wouldn’t be a clean towel to wipe your eyes on, and what if you slipped with the knife in your hand, I mean, really,  the possibilities for something to go wrong are just endless.

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Dear Jessica Alba’s unborn fetus,

If you wouldn’t mind, could you just please go away?  I mean, your mom is hot.  Like smoking hot, and you are trying to ruin everything by stretching it all out and making things saggy.  She hasn’t even done a full nude yet, or playboy!  So if you could just pack your shit up and move to a more spacious home (Britney Spears’ womb is available!) everyone would greatly appreciate it.
mmmmkay…..

XOXOX

THB

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A baby living in Jessica Alba’s tummy!!!  Which is awesome, because soon she will be all fat and pregnanty like.

But right now, the pregnancy bump is still cute, and so is she.  However, give it a few more months and its going to look like a scene from Alien when the creature is about to burst out.

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Whats the deal with Jessica Alba always looking like a mega bitch?? Here she is at the Golden Warriors basketball game looking like she is about to die of misery. Why bother going if you are going to just sit there looking moody? I can just tell this miserable bitch has a mega attitude complex, and if I was around her for more than 5 minutes I would probably have to kick her ass.

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First off, sorry for no posts yesterday, but I was completely swamped with final exams at school.

Jessica Alba’s rep confirmed to People magazine that she was indeed pregnant with on again off again boyfriend Cash Warren. Which is great and exciting, but the bitch didn’t even let us have any fun with speculation and pregnancy rumors! And I really don’t know why she would want to go have a kid in the first place, she had a lot going for her, like her body, and her mega bitch attitude. But on the upside, I bet her boobs

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Slightly cold and very greasy.

Now you try BITCH nuggets!!!

Jessica Alba looks ______.

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Jessica Alba did all the men in the world a favor today, and dumped her fug monster boyfriend of 2+ years! Us reports:

Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, “I’m not in love with you anymore.” Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

I love the role reversal here, usually its the man kicking the woman out, but Jessica Alba is a BITCH in charge! It’s just too bad she didn’t have the cojones to break up with him face to face, it kind of makes her look like a bitch and not a BITCH.

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Earlier this week Paris Hilton was officially let go from her talent agency, and most people just thought they had had enough with the wild heiress and the negative publicity she garnered. However, OK! Magazine is reporting that Jessica Alba was the genius mastermind behind the firing of the troubled socialite:

“They were getting a lot of pressure from bigger clients to get rid of Paris,” an insider reveals exclusively to OK!. “None of them wanted to have the same agents as Paris; she’s an embarrassment to any real artist.”
And, according to the insider, it was Jessica Alba who tipped the scales against the hotel heiress. “Jessica is the anti-Paris — a real star who hates the silly L.A. party scene that Paris reigns over,” explains the source. “She made it clear to the folks at Endeavor — either Paris goes or she goes.”

Usually Jessica Alba is kind of a boring BITCH, so this is out of character, but I love it!! I knew she had some inner BITCH in her!

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All the stars were out and about for the 2008 Chanel Cruise Fashion Show, held at an airport hanger in Santa Monica. People making appearances were Lindsay Lohan, Demi Moore, Elisha Cuthbert, Emmy Rossum, Kristen Bell, Camilla Belle, Diane Kruger, Victoria Beckham, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jessica Alba, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Milla Jovovich, Emma Roberts, Dita Von Teese and Geena Davis, just to name a few.

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There is just not enough time in the day to list the thing to love about Jessica Alba, BITCH is simply beautiful! She really makes most of young Hollywood look like hags.

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Almost everyone in Hollywood could take lessons from Jessica Alba. BITCH has her shit together, she looks great and people love her, plus she is not a sloppy ho!

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This dress is definitely a step up from the recent outfits she has been in, but I think she has been taking tips from Kristin Cavallari on how to look greasy! I just dont understand what has been going on, Alba use to do no wrong, but recently she has only been trying half heartedly to look good.

We know you got the goods BITCH so stop trying to hide it!

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Because whoever it is should be shot, she has been looking horrible and thats a hard thing to come to terms with. I mean, how badly must you be doing your job if you can make Jessica Alba look bad? Whoever it is, BITCH you’re fired!

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I am not sure what qualifies this as an outfit you would chose to wear to a basketball game, but I guess being that it’s Jessica Alba and all she can probably get away with it. What is unforgivable is the fact she is cheering for the Warriors. BOO YOU BITCH! GO MAVS!

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I joke not, this really is Jessica Alba. Even though it looks nothing like her at all. I don’t understand the marketing idea here, make her look fug and unrecognizable so no one watches this tardass sequel?

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