Candy Spelling got back to her old habit of writing letters to celebrities she doesn’t know and this time the person in though is none other than BITCHney Spears. Candy really over did herself on this one:

Dear Britney:

You made me do it. I didn’t plan to write another letter now. I took two weeks off from TMZ.com because I didn’t feel strongly about what anyone was doing — or else I couldn’t decide which side to believe.

You’ve driven me back to my laptop to ask why, if you have to slither in and out of cars, do clumsy imitations of gymnasts and wear clothes that are just too tight, trashy or skimpy, do you have to pose in front of photographers all the time? We’ve seen the body parts, poses and clumsy attention-seeking tricks before. You’re wearing out your welcome. Some people never can turn away from a train wreck, so who can blame the photographers for waiting for your next one? Do you really want captions such as TMZ’s own “Victim of Pap Smear” and “Does Britney Change Clothes for Cash” to be your legacy? You can do much better.

Unlike some others who are famous for being famous, you initially earned the fame and respect you achieved. You were a giant star, a Mouseketeer, a singer whose song titles became part of everyone’s vocabulary. You made some missteps. We all do. But, when you become more famous for hideous, irresponsible actions than accomplishments, it’s time to step back and figure out where you want your life to go. So many young girls still see you as a role model. Give those kids a reason to look up to you. They’re probably even tired of the endless speculation about what undergarments you may or may not be wearing. I know their parents would like you to move on and get dressed. Even the school uniform was more dignified.

You’re doing all right with the wigs. I know the paparazzi have a bounty on your (wigless) head. I think it’s great that you have a variety of wigs (some very stylish) when you go out in public. If you do feel you need to show how your hair is growing back, at least make a deal with a photographer to sell the photo and donate the money to charity. Do you know what a statement that would make?

Enough with the sorry grabs for attention. Deep down, especially for your sons, people want you to succeed. You can always get attention if you need it. Visit someone famous in jail and attract a zillion photographers if you’re that addicted to fame. Americans like winners. We like those stories about what people do with second chances. How about a moratorium on train wrecks and some time out for paying back the fans who helped you succeed?

Best,

Candy Spelling

I don’t know where to start, its all too funny. A bounty on her wigless head??? She has extensions, so when did Candy write this, like a 2 months ago? But she does point out a lot of things I like to refer to as facts, like Britney being a trainwreck that none of us can look away from! I hope BITCHney writes a response soon, you know it will be honk-tastic!!

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OPEN LETTER WAR!!!! In response to the open letter written to him by Candy Spelling, who he doesn’t know at all:

Dear Candy:

I don’t know you, I have never met you and I don’t know anything about you. After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let’s say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces.

I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it’s sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.

Candy, you don’t know any of the facts concerning my situation. I am a hardworking, compassionate and honest person. I will prevail just as I have in the past because overcoming adversity is not only a part of the entrepreneurial experience but a part of life. You should appreciate this and know this more than anyone and I am ashamed of you for forgetting how hard it is to make it in this world and the people who would love to tear you down because you have. Sadly, it appears you have become one of those people.

Contrary to what you have said in your letter, my world has not changed. My business Girls Gone Wild is thriving and posted record sales last month. Most important, my friends and my family (I love you guys….) have stood by me. This whole situation will be over soon and I will be standing strong.

I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.

Sincerely,

Joe Francis

I didn’t know jailhouse BITCH Joe Francis would have the balls to call Candy out on this! Maybe jail is toughening this little rich boy up.

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I don’t know if she is trying to be pseudo mom of the year or what, but Candy Spelling is up to her old tricks of writing open letters to celebrities facing jail or in jail. Maybe she could write a letter to her son telling him that the show “Sons of Hollywood” sucks balls.

Candy’s letter:

Dear Joe,

As the headlines about you changed — to scream “imprisoned” and “U.S. marshals” instead of “filmmaker” and “entrepreneur,” you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today’s headlines call you a “crybaby.”

You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you’re being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you. The flatterers and entourages have moved on. They have short attention spans. They’re hanging on to someone else and will take advantage of the new “temp celebrity” as long as it lasts.

The only redeeming factor is reading that you have been calling home every day from prison. When things are looking bleak, it sounds like you’ve found that you can get some perspective from the reliable people at home. Maybe you’re realizing these are the only people who really care about you.

Your world has changed, and you’re the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It’s time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby

Sincerely,

Candy Spelling

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When Candy Spelling is offering you motherly advice, you know you are so far past help that you are screwed! But the letter is actually really nice, and it is good to see someone calling Paris out on all her bullshitting around. The letter reads:

Dear Paris,

As someone who has known you for most of your life, I pay special attention to your press coverage. (Apparently, I’m not alone, based on the responses every word about you creates on TMZ.com and elsewhere.)

Paris, I’m very worried about you. The last week has not only been an obvious roller-coaster for you emotionally, but your strategy went from blaming employees and stating silly excuses like, “I don’t read,” to your new lawyer’s tactic to have you sound mature and take some responsibility. In between, the paparazzi continue to follow you shopping and taking self-defense classes (to protect yourself in jail?), and some over-zealous friends staged embarrassing protests (three people?), and wasted taxpayer funds with a petition to pardon you.

People who are rich and famous are not treated like “regular” people, even though you claim to now be just like everyone else. In most situations, your privileged life works to your benefit. You have opportunities, access and resources like few others; and frankly, you can get away with more bad behavior and excuses than most people could even imagine. However, as the real possibility of jail approaches — whether it’s 21 days or 45 or whatever the latest report is — it’s time to get real. It’s time to find “a Paris” somewhere between “heiress” and a character on “The Simple Life.” I know she’s there, and I know she can be a good citizen and maturely face consequences other people would have to face under the same circumstances.

I am sorry you have been sentenced to jail. I can’t think of too much that would be worse. But since you let this happen, use the next couple of weeks preparing not only by publicly learning to fight (not a good message to fellow inmates), but by looking around, realizing that you are not as truly entitled as your money implies. You are a young woman who can add more to her community than establishing new definitions for infamy.

Best,

Candy Spelling

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