Its no secret that Paris Hilton is the worst pet owner ever, receiving letters from Peta and officially being named worst celebrity dog owner by not one, but TWO dog magazines, but now she has crossed the bad pet keeping line over into felines. According to the Kris Kelly Foundation, Paris dropped the cat off to be neutered, and never returned to pick it up:
TMZ has learned that Miss P adopted the puddy tat — which she named Prada — at the Kris Kelly Foundation last May, about a week before she headed to Lynwood Jail. After Paris was released, we’re told she knew she had to have Prada neutered, but didn’t get around to it until a few weeks ago, on January 30.
But here’s the problem — nobody came back for Prada! About a week later, Kris Kelly herself called Paris to find out what happened, but she still hasn’t heard back as to what to do with Paris’ pussy.
Paris’ people say this is nothing to meow about. The cat was to be dropped off to be neutered and then delivered to one of Paris’ peeps. That apparently hasn’t happened yet. But Kris tells us that it’s “a clear-cut case of abandonment” (no pun intended, we think) and has decided not to return the cat.
But the story gets even better, because, now Paris’ people claim that it was a publicity stunt by angered foundation owner Kris Kelly because Paris was suppose to do charity work with the organization, which, she of course never did.
Paris Hilton abandoning her cat??? NO WAY! Paris Hilton lying about doing charity work???? NO-FUCKING-WAY!
Instead of breaking these stories about everyones favorite whore bag into multiple stories, I have combined it into one post, as I couldn’t think of any more titles for stories making fun of this cunt. First, let me grace you with video of Paris Hilton singing her non-hit song “Stars are Blind” while she struggles to keep her boobies in her dress(yes, even Paris Hilton’s boobs are big enough to fall out of something).
Any complaints about the quality of the video need to be directed to Paris Hilton, as I feel she is the only thing bringing the quality of the video down.Then, it was her 80’s themed birthday party, where she showed up looking like a misguided 12 year old surfer boy who has gotten into his mothers makeup and pantyhose. But not to be topped off as looking like the biggest idiot at her own birthday, her own publicist, Elliot Mintz, showed up looking like a oompa loompa type of mofo, which begs the question: why the fuck would you leave your house looking like that? And, how tha fuck does something like that even happen? Also, lets LOL at the fact Paris is with Brittny Gastineau, star of one of the worst reality shows of all time.
Last but not least, lets take a moment to recognize Hilton for the lying superficial bitch she really is. When she was released from jail, we all heard her talking about how life changing it was, and how she was soon going to start a women’s program for female convicts leaving jail that was to act as a pseudo half way house and help them get on their feet. Since then however, she has done NADA that she said she would, but she did find the time to launch her new shoe line which she debuted at Macy’s today(pics below), plus new perfumes, a jewelry line and a new clothing line. Glad to see her priorities are in order. And glad to see she really keeps her word. And no, these pictures do not make feet look larger than they appear.
Last week, Dr. Phil jumped on the Spears crazy train, and apparently, it was all for publicity and a rep for the Spears’ family is pissed, and put the deranged doctor on blast on the Today Show. And I am glad to see that they publicly called him out since Dr. Phil is pretty much a douche bag who likes to pretend he cares for people, when all he really cares about is ratings. And his show really sucks.
I had hopes for this Spearling, who is only 16, even though my hopes consisted of her not getting knocked up and going insane like her sister, but those all got flushed down the drain with the OK! magazine exclusive cover, featuring a puppy eyed picture of Jamie Lynn with the title “I’m Pregnant!”. And her winner boyfriend has already found the time to update his myspace profile with the headline “Me and Jamie are over….. :(”, which pretty much completely contradicts all the rumors that the Spears have been spreading that they have been together for a while and that they were thinking of getting married. But since myspace is not the end all for legit breaking news stories, maybe they are still together and can have a wedding with Jamie Lynn aka Layme Lynn can have a honky tonk teenage wedding!
And whats even funnier, is that not too long ago she sued the National Enquirer for reporting that she was pregnant, and now National Enquirer is mass mailing the nasty email sent to them from the Spears camp talking about how morally upright she is, and its really perhaps one of the funniest mass emailing I have seen in awhile:
“Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith.
There is no “rumor concerning Ms. Spears’ (non-existent) pregnancy, except perhaps for the baseless rumor just now being created by the National Enquirer.
Ms. Spears is not pregnant. It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to attempt to create a wholly baseless rumor that Ms. Spears is pregnant, so it can run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl.”
And now time to laugh:
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA…..breath…..AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAat this dumb bitch getting knocked up just like her sister!!!!
p.s. how many of you think she is doing this for attention??? She wants to be in the tabloids just like her Superstah Sistah!
So everyone was all excited to FINALLY hear what Dr. Jan Adams had to say about being blamed so far for the death of Kanye West’s mother, Donna West. The interview was to take place last night on Larry King, but after coming on the show late, he proclaimed he would not be speaking about it after receiving a letter from Kanye’s lawyers requesting he not do the interview, and he walked off after just three minutes.
Or perhaps he just didn’t want to talk about the other malpractice suits against him, or his multiple DUI’s, his track record of sexual and physical abuse….I don’t even need to go on, I am sure you get the point.
Today seems to be a busy day with some stories of celebrities doing good, and others (ahem…Paris) just falling flat.
1st Celeb Charity winner: The first celeb on our good sides today is BITCHney, because lord knows her life is all kinds of a mess right now but she is still finding time to plan an auction of her clothes, with proceeds going to a yet unannounced childrens organization. A close friend of hers told Us Weekly:
“It’s something Britney wanted to do to counterbalance all the rumors and negativity in the press. All she can do is be herself, love her kids and do small things like this to help people.â€
2nd Celeb Charity winner:: The second winner of the day is Beyonce, who is on tour right now performing in Ethiopia, because she found time in her busy trip to visit local schools in the area.
And now, on to our Celeb Charity Losers Loser Paris Hilton!!!!
Everyone in the world heard the stories about her planning a trip to Rwanda, and then her idea to make it into a TV show, but know it seems all that talk was for nothing, as the organization Paris was going to travel with is “restructuring”. Because you know, its impossible for her to organize a charity trip on her own, or even with another organization. And this is a perfect example of why you shouldn’t TALK about the charity stuff you want to do, your BITCH ass should just do it! But I am sure no one is surprised at all about Paris choosing to still act like a dumb whore versus positively changing the lives of others. Chickenface will ALWAYS be loser in my book though, and no amount of charity and do gooding can change that for the simple fact you cant make a ho into a to a bitch that acts right.
I just reported that this BITCH was too damn tired to get her ass out of bed for drug tests she would have failed, but now BITCHney is too tired to even see her kids! Life and Style magazine is reporting that she missed her first SUPERVISED visitation with her two sons, scheduled for three days after she lost custody, the details:
The night before, “She checked into the Beverly Wilshire hotel. But early that morning, she realized it wouldn’t be right to have her first visit with the boys in a hotel. She needed to see them at home, with their things around them,†says the insider.
“She and Alli [Sims] headed to Brit’s Malibu house. They went to sleep as soon as they got there. Brit was up in plenty of time to prepare for the boys’ visit at 10 a.m.
“But she waited, and waited, and they didn’t show up. Alli’s cellphone rang, and it was Kevin [Federline’s] people, saying that the boys were going back to Kevin because she hadn’t answered the intercom at the gate!
“Brit didn’t realize the intercom wasn’t working. She begged them to bring the boys back. But they wouldn’t. She was devastated that they wouldn’t turn around.â€
Uhm, yeah, I don’t feel to bad for the BITCH at all on this one. Why the hell is she so tired all the time? My guess is the xanax she is on, because its not from over training, over parenting or over touring or recording. All she ever does is drink starbucks and smoke cigs, so she should be as hyped up as a crack head in the kitchen, yet she is still the sleepiest person ever.
With as much shit as I give BITCHney Spears, I was really hoping she would wow us at the VMA’s, but the BITCH didn’t! In fact, it was HORRIBLE. I have seen strippers put more thought into their stage show than BITCHney. And already the story is being turned around. Because, you know, its definitely not HER fault that her show sucked so bad, and here are the many, many excuses her and her few remaining fans have come up with:
1. Sarah Silverman - supposedly BITCHney heard her practicing her routine, specifically the part where she says that BITCHney’s kids are the “cutest mistakes” and said they were as cute as the vayjayjay that they came out of, and this threw BITCHney off her game. But, funny BITCH and awesome person altogether, Sarah Silverman denied BITCHney could have even heard it, because she never rehearsed any of her jokes there, and she went on after BITCHney committed career suicide.
2. Her Manager - Its the same guy responsible for driving Kelly Clarkson’s newest album straight into the ground.
3. MTV - They didn’t let her do her original show that included Criss Angel helping plan it, so she wasn’t very enthusiastic about and just didn’t try hard.
4. Her Booze - During rehearsals the drunk BITCH was drinking margaritas, and went out clubbing the night before, and the night after.
The only one of those options that make any type of sense at all is number 4, but I am pretty sure thats not right either because booze makes people dance like assholes, not brain dead slut moms. I think it more likely is a heavy dose of xanax and paxil mixed with booze that made her seem so dumb. OR….maybe she is just the dumb redneck BITCH we all thought she turned into.
And if you want a REALLY good laugh, just head over to BITCHney Spears fansite, BreatheHeavy.com, and read all these idiot-tards supporting BITCHney and hating on Sarah Silverman. Then I recommend you sign up and tell them why it was all BITCHney’s fault that she sucked.
Ohh, and if you really thought BITCHney’s crotch shots were all accidents, well she flashed it again after the VMA’s, in what I am guessing is, a pathetic cheap shot at getting attention.
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After the jump is the semi-NSFW pic of BITCHney flashing her beaver!!! (more…)
Yup, you read that title correctly! Now just try and read it again without tears of laughter running down your face. I can’t think of anyone, besides Britney Spears and Chris Benoit, that would be a worse parent, yet in the new U.K. Elle, Paris is talking about reproducing:
On what people think about her
“I wanna have like a family and a guy. Y’know, it just upsets me because I’m not anything like what people say about me, and this cartoon character that they’ve made of me is just completely false. It makes me mad that I’m such a good person and I’m treated like that by some people, I just don’t get it.â€
On how she’s prepping for pregnancy
“I just started working out and it feels great. It gives me so much energy. I want kids next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.â€
On her future baby daddy
“I used to care about looks, but I’ve grown out of that stage. They have to be a good person, someone I know would be a good husband, loyal and funny and smart. And somebody I can trust, with good chemistry. But I don’t know, I like a guy who can make me laugh.â€
I must say, with her being a high school drop out and all, I am actually surprised this BITCH doesn’t have as many kids as she does dogs, but I guess we can count that as a small miracle. Whats amusing though is the fact that she actually believes that she doesn’t act like a grade A slut and blames other people for painting this awful picture of herself, because, you know, its everyone else’s fault that she can’t wear panties and records all of her sexual escapades. I don’t even know how this BITCH says half the shit she says without laughing at herself. Its just ridiculous and pathetic. I mean, this BITCH has more pictures of her crotch than all of the Playboy and Hustler archives combined, yet she still says thats not how she really is??? All I can say is yeahhhhh riiiiiight BITCH, we all knows you are a ho-skee!
And Paris Hilton ain’t changed shit about herself! Here she is going to a party at the Playboy Mansion in her lingerie. Which really, isn’t a big deal, it just reinforces what a dumb slut she is. I am so glad the BITCH went on Larry King boo-hooing about how she is negatively portrayed and talking about doing charity and giving back, because, didn’t you know, the Playboy mansion is in DIRE need of charity. Yup, I know it sounds odd, but really, they need the help from all the dumb, mostly naked sluts they can find! I am glad Paris chose to pick a good cause and really go after it!
What I honestly don’t understand is why she even said all that shit about wanting to build a shelter for women and do charity, and all that jazz. What the BITCH should have said is “I still want to continue on living my pointless, predictable, self centered life and party like a whore constantly!”. At least that would have been being honest.
p.s. dont you just love how this BITCH is so giant that her thigh high stokcings barely cover her knees???
In a not so surprising statement to Access Hollywood, druggie BITCH Lohan said this via email message:
“Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy.”
Since this BITCH absolutely makes no sense at all, its pretty amusing. Because I know, when I am heading out on a car chase of someone who supposedly nearly ran me over, I like to hold my friends coke in my pocket for good luck. And drink lots of booze first. And then for extra luck, I usually put my coke my friends coke in my nose, because I am just SUCH a good friend fiend.
And just in case you were wondering, YES, that picture is of Lindsay the night of her DUI.
When I woke up smiling this morning, I knew it was going to be a good day, but I didn’t know it was going to be THIS good!
Our favorite party BITCH Lindsay Lohan, who we thought was reforming, got caught up in quite the booze and drug scandal. It all started when her assistant quit during the night and asked her mom to come pick her up. When the defunct assistant’s mom arrived and picked her up, a chase ensued with Lindsay herself tailing their Escalade in a Denali. The mom called 911 and said they were being chased and were on their way to the police station. The police got to them first however, and conducted a field sobriety test, including walking in a line, which she failed. Later, a breath test was given to drunk BITCH Lohan who failed with a miserable .12-.13 blood alcohol level. The icing on the cake was the cocaine they discovered in her pocket when booking the dumb BITCH. She was released on bond this morning, and I am sure she is getting fucked up already!! Speaking of being released on bond, amazing how a white BITCH gets out of jail after chasing people while being drunk and coked up, and in possession of coke, yet Lil Wayne and Ja Rule were both in jail longer than this BITCH. Oh, and the cops had to be called to catch a drunk coke maniac driving down the street after someone, but somehow new york cops can just spot concealed weapons from a mile away, its really amazing! (I wish you could see me rolling my eyes)
But what I want to know why the hell she was fake wearing the alcohol bracelet? I knew that damn thing didn’t have any batteries in it! I am really disappointed, not because she is a drugger, but because she is a big fake BITCH! She has also officially lowered herself to Paris Hilton standards. She needs to really get her shit together, you can tell in her mug shot she is starting to get a coke nose, much more snorting and she will be looking like Michael Jackson. And can someone please tell me why this dumb BITCH thought it was a good idea to just be rolling with coke in her pocket??? Ever hear of a hiding spot? Or ditching it before you get checked in? Or what about having a patsy to take your fall for you? My guess is the BITCH was too coked up and forgot it was there, because otherwise she woulda been snorting it off the hood of her car while she was being handcuffed.
And, yeah, this totally disproves my theory that rehab does a body good from yesterday, because apparently in Hollywood COCAINE does the body good.
p.s. check out this BITCH’s eyes in her mugshot, if her pupils got any more dilated she would be looking like Wilma from The Flintstones!
UPDATE: THE BITCH HAS CHECKED INTO A **NEW** REHAB CENTER!!! and here lawyer issued this statement:
“Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care.”
Do you all remember that womens housing Paris was going to build for people recently released from jail????? Well, this has NOTHING to do with that, probably because the BITCH hasn’t mentioned it since her interview, but what she did do since her interview was go to the bars, dance on the couches and smoke some greenery, Page Six and People report:
“Paris was super happy and full of smiles,” says one clubgoer. “She was laughing, having fun, drinking, dancing, singing along to songs, talking to everyone and hugging all the girls at her table.”
“She took a huge puff off of a joint, then opened the door and exhaled the pot smoke basically in my face,”
Was anyone surprised reading this? I know I wasn’t!!! But what did surprise me is her giant, stuffed cleavage. We all saw pics of the BITCH in Hawaii, and to put it kindly….THE BITCH IS FLAT!!! So she must have a super-gravity-defying-boob-creating bra ever.
I would also like to point out the fact that her nose job turned out nicely, its so much more BITCH instead of WITCH now. I can’t say the same about those fug ass lace gloves she is wearing.
And in even more SHOCKING news Paris has officially spread herpes to the world!!! I knew we shouldn’t have let the BITCH go to Hawaii!!! Read Here…
And spreads her legs like always!!!! The thing you don’t know about these pictures of her in the ocean is that she was actually skiing, and Paris being the fabulous BITCH that she is doesn’t need skis. Why you ask??? Because of her size 30 feet! If anything in this world is hot, its BITCHES with feet bigger than Shaquille O’neal.
And might I add that I can tell this BITCH has really changed, just look at the loads of charitable work and donations she has made since being released! Oh…wait…she hasn’t done any of that shit!!!
p.s. I really, really like the diaper she puts on over her bikini in the last pics, its going to be the hottest trend of the summer, I just know it!!!
Wow, after watching that interview last night I am surprised I still have brain cells that are choosing to operate. I know it HAD to be Larry Kings low point in life, and I couldn’t help but laugh when they would show the upcoming Thursday show, which features Colin Powell with the title of “The state of the US and world”, which is much better suited for Larry King programming. Its hilarious to me that they would even invite her on the show, and you think with 23 days to prepare Hilton would have something smart to say, but nope, nothing. In fact I only heard LIES and dumb shit. Like when asked about what she disliked the most about herself and she answered “When I am nervous my voice gets really high.” Thats deep, REALLY deep, and honest to god she said it with a straight face. I think that alone is a testament to how much the BITCH has changed. When asked if she has ever used drugs or been addicted to drugs, she said no of course, but we all know thats a lie, as you can see in these lovely videos:
What I dont understand is why Larry let her get away with so much…like when she denied doing drugs, why didn’t he just play these videos? I mean, its not like I have exclusive rights to these, they are pretty much all over the freaking internet. I would like to think Larry knew this interview was a gimmick and didn’t put to much into it, but come on, the guy kept saying ADT instead of ADD. And I almost choked on a taquito when I heard her say that her favorite subject is creative writing, since she is a drop out and her heiress book says intelligent things like “never wake up before 10″, and her notes from jail sounded like a bad philosophy paper by a third grader who thinks philosophy is a company owned by Pillsbury. With written work like that though, the BITCH might just be our modern day Dr. Seuss!!!
If you have some extra time and would like some good laughs I have the entire Larry King show with Paris after the jump! (more…)
Welcome to the Head Bitch, a hollywood celebrity blog specializing in providing the latest news and gossip, and proving who the top bitch really is while making these celebitches cry.
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