But Lord rest her soul, the crazies done creeped up again!!

This time, a bloated, collagen filled Spears was spending one of her two days a week that she gets her children, with a court appointed monitor, but instead of doing something a child might be inclined to like, she took them to the chandelier store.

And left them in the car.

All alone with the court appointed monitor.

So if she is trying to prove she cares about her kids, she is failing. And if she is trying to convince us she is looking better, she’s not.

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Because I was suffering a case of BITCHney burnout, but I think I have recovered enough to talk about how she still isn’t fit enough to take care of her kids, TMZ says:

In the order, the Commish wrote that when Britney has the kids, “the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all.” The Commish also recounts what the parenting coach complained of — that “during all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play.” According to the report, the coach wrote, “It seems that [Britney's] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.” The coach also said Spears seemed to have a “lack of general attention at times” but there was nothing she “would characterize as abusive in a traditional sense.” And then the most damning comment from the parenting coach: “The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful.”

But, I am glad to see that even in what is suppose to be her darkest times, she still has time to go out the bars dressed like an over weight trans gendered zebra cat. And hey, at least she is just neglectful not abusive, right????

In other news, her former assistant has started leaking photos to the press that show a partying, but definitely a better looking Bitchney than what we are used to. Really, these pics are TAME, with nothing shocking whatsoever, which leads me to believe that her former assistant deserves to be cunt punted into next year for being an attention-monger.

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Break a shitload of records when her new album comes out on iTunes. And fans are going to be able to get the album earlier than the original November 12. Jive Records announced that they will be moving the release date up to October 30, siting internet leaks for the reason.

Whenever it does come out not only will her big ass fan base be buying one copy, most will buy two, and I predict MEGA numbers on iTunes. I will just download it.

And in other news, rumor is that BITCHney hit KFed several times during their marriage, and thats the reason he asked for the court to stipulate that no corporeal punishment can be given to the boys.

And in the best story of all, BITCHney loves her dog London more than her kids, Ok! Magazine says compares their relationship:

“It set her off into hysterics,” the source tells OK! about the scene at the Marina del Rey, Calif., eatery. And a friend of Brit adds, “She cares more about London than her boys! She’ll let anyone hold Preston and Jayden, but has to really trust you for you to even touch London.”

The friend also reveals to OK! that, “If one of the boys is crying and London is barking, she’ll pick up London while the nanny calms the babies.”

I can’t really blame her because kids < dogs.

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I have been told that people lie about being pregnant and having miscarriages, but honestly, I haven’t ever met anyone that low. But Kid Rock is saying that exact thing about Pam Anderson and in an interview, detailed the situation:

“She’s in Vancouver shooting a movie and I have Lakers seats on the floor, and I’m gonna go to the Lakers (basketball) game with my friend Jesse James,” the 36-year-old rapper says.

“I’m like, `Baby, I got these tickets. I’ll see you on the weekend there,’ and that leads into her saying, `You don’t care about me, blah blah blah,’” Rock says. “She finally comes up with this: `I just had a miscarriage’ … and hangs the phone up.”

Rock, claiming he was unaware that Anderson was pregnant, says he chartered a plane and flew to Vancouver. “When I get there, she’s partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I’m thinking, `That’s a quick recovery from a miscarriage.’”

So either she is a low life bitch for making something like this up, or he is an even lower bitch for making up a lie that she is lying.

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Today a judge rewarded Kevin Federline 100% custody, for an indefinate period of time, as a result of BITCHney’s recent legal matters including a hit and run, and driving without a valid license. She was ordered to turn her two boys over to Kfed by Wednesday at the latest, and she still must follow a previous ruling stating she must attend parenting classes, take biweekly drug test and seek therapy for parenting issues. TMZ reports:

Judge Gordon had ordered Spears to undergo random drug testing and take parenting classes. Sources say Federline’s powerhouse lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, raised the issue that Spears was driving without a valid California driver’s license … Spears took the kids to the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. at 12:02 this afternoon and surrendered the kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard three minutes later.

Since she has a valid license in her home state of Louisiana I think its crappy that THIS would be the thing to make her lose custody. So what she never went and took a new picture at a California DMV? It doesn’t change how she drives. Plus she has been pulled over and investigated several times but no one ever called her out on this before. If anything, they should be focusing on her weird ass behavior, not something as minute as that. Although, its pretty dumb she didn’t make the effort to switch her license when she moved, its really not that hard to do, if you have more than three brain cells.

But on the real, I predict this bitch is inching closer to “rock bottom”.

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It’s almost hard to believe, but for BITCHney Spears life just keep getting worse. I knew her divorce from Kfed was going too smooth, but all the dirt is about to be aired in the open! Splash news reports:

Things between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have gotten so bad that they have both hired private investigators to dig up dirt on each other according to the National Enquirer and they both plan to use the seedy details in the custody battle for their two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James.
Ever since Britney left rehab, rumors have been swirling that she was back on the bottle and has been linked to everyone from her rehab counselor, to her manny, to record producers, and her bodyguard.
Kevin’s pals say he knows through his investigator that Britney has a companion who’s going on liquor runs for her and that the singer has stumbled drunk out of a number of clubs in the past. Kevin’s pals also say he plans to bring up that Britney allegedly walks around her house topless or naked and doesn’t care who notices.
While that sounds bad for Britney, she has a P.I. of her own who has been digging up the dirt on Kevin from sex parties, drug use, to drinking while he has custody of their children.
“Britney was informed that Kevin has had several pals visit his home while he has the boys and his friends are welcome to drink, smoke marijuana and party with half-naked girls,” disclosed the source. “And he has had several girls over for one night stands. The boys don’t ever come out of their rooms, and no one is allowed back in their rooms.”

And if that isn’t bad enough, the BITCH is about to be homeless! She already had her $13.5 million dollar house on the market since the divorce, but she was forced to lower the asking price to a little bit under $12 mil, and is now offering it fully furnished. She also listed her Beverly Hills home on the market for $7.5 mil. And in true honky couture fashion, she is make shift living at the Four Seasons hotel, because nothing screams classy like an unwed mother of two living in a hotel.

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Pretty much everyone but Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have confirmed that she is pregnant!!! Which is cute and all, but its just too bad that she got knocked up by Joel because he is a giant tool! TMZ reports:

The starlet has been dating Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden for over six months. Rumors have been swirling for months that Richie and Madden were expecting, but TMZ has confirmed through several sources that she is, in fact, with child. In Touch magazine is also reporting that the couple will wed this summer. Richie is currently facing DUI charges stemming from her arrest last December, when she was found driving the wrong way on a California highway.
Richie’s trial is set for July 11. If convicted, she faces a minimum of five days in jail.

Sure I should be making jokes about how she is too skinny to be with child, but she is about to be fat so I am going to go ahead and jump on that band wagon instead, so here goes: HAHAHAH NICOLE RICHIE IS LIKE SUCH A FAT BITCH!!! See how it works?? Already funnier than making fun of her for being to skinny. Plus the upside to her getting married while pregnant is that she will be chub and she wont look like Steven Tyler’s mike stand with a veil on!

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BITCHney’s role model like behavior of going to bars, drinking booze, and flashing her privates(its a very vicious cycle) might be catching up to her sooner than she like. Kevin Federline, currently better known as the good parent, is refusing to sign the divorce papers that would give BITCHney joint custody of the kids. A source tells People magazine:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

Just when you think BITCHney has almost got her shit together…pfft who am I fooling??? No one has ever thought she was close to getting her shit back together, not yet at least.

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The results are in, and according to Mel B and the court ordered DNA test, Eddie Murphy is the proven father! These results come after a long ordeal of tabloid bashing and baby denying, so it will be interesting to see where Eddie goes with this.

All I can say is get ready to pay up BITCH because Mel B is a woman scorned publicly, and I bet she is going to get as much as she can from this!

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Supposedly at some party thing, Angelina Jolie decided to stand up and begin giving ex boyfriend Olivier Martinez a lap dance. This guy is so fug that I really hope this story never happened, and I am refusing to believe that they ever dated, he was so much hotter in that Unfaithful movie. I guess Brad had to babysit and wasn’t allowed out.

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After publicly dumping and denying former Spice Girl Mel B was pregnant with his child, Eddie Murphy will finally find out if the baby is his. Mel B was forced to take this issue to the courts saying:

“He’s not doing a DNA test and he’s not signing the birth certificate. So it’s going to have to go to court so he can be forced to do it, which is strange since he was the one asking for it.”

I cant wait to see these test results!

And speaking of Eddie Murphy, I recently watched Eddie Murphy Raw for the first time and all I wanna know is what the F**K have you done for me lately, huh BITCHES???

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Well, that was the only excuse I could come up with to explain this thing she calls an outfit. Lets really talk about what this “outfit” consists of:

fedora…check!
red triangle bikini top…check!
see through lace thingy…check!
cowboy boots…check!
torn fishnets…check!
black boy shorts that will take place of pants…check!
fug wig…check!
fashion sense…HELL NO!
Kids…definitely NOT!

I have honestly seen hookers better dressed than this, and how could you make something see through so unsexy?

BITCH if you want people to quit making fun of you and your craziness stop fueling the fire, hire a stylist and stop going outside until you return to the old Brit that we know and love. Also, if you could pawn those baby things off on someone that would be great, its much easier to think of you being hot when I forget that you had two buns in the oven.

Let me know what you think!

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This is one interesting BITCH, I cant decide if she wears these things to really dance in, or if she just feels like her career is coming back when she wears these things. But once again, minus the hat, boots and holy fishnets, she looks MUCH better! And just in case anyone forget she is indeed a mom, she was actually caught holding one of Kfeds babies. It was probably a photo op.

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I am just so sick of every girl on tv winning something because she has a freaking kid. Big whoop BITCH! All that tells me is that you were too dumb to use any of the many available birth control methods. It doesn’t mean that you are a stronger person, it just means you were more dumb than all your friends that didn’t get knocked up. She also looks very manish, and muscular, Chelsea or Melissa R would have been MUCH better choices than this teenage hoochie!

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Mel “Scary Spice” Brown has little to hide about the drama surrounding her and her newborn Angel daughter Angel, because according to her, the father without a doubt is Eddie Murphy. And with this magazine cover, Scary manages to point out the fact that Eddie hasn’t even met the child yet! So if it turns out to be his, he is already on the path of a dead beat father! He can never get those moments back, so if its his, I hope he feels like a real dick for not being there when she was first born.

BITCH go get a paternity test, I’m dying to know!

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I have been saying this since the beginning, but finally today the results are in. Larry Birkhead is definitely the father, and as everyone assumed, slime ball Howard K. Stern is not. Now I wanna know when he gets the baby, if Howard K. is going to try and stay involved, and wtf momma Virgie has to say.

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MSNBC is reporting that Britney has sealed the deal on the divorce, and Kevin is making out like a bandit! Here is what he supposedly will get:

- A 2004 pre-nup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Spears upped that figure to $500,000 to speed up the negotiations.
- He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is on the market for $13.5 million.
- $25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple’s two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
- Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
- He’s forbidden from writing a tell-all about their marriage.

Britney was also quoted by Star magazine as saying:

“You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but thank you for my babies.”

That BITCH is a BABY MONGER!

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Former Spice Girl Mel B., gave birth to a baby girl! Congratulations! The baby is yet to be named, but she has already dubbed her “Baby Brown”.

The real question everyone wants to know though is who is the baby daddy? The answer still looms over everyone’s head, especially Ed Murphy’s!!!

BITCH go get a paternity test ASAP!

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